


push, stay

by thecoldbranches



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Criminal Minds (US TV) Season/Series 02, F/M, Kidnapping, Light BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29576061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecoldbranches/pseuds/thecoldbranches
Summary: you've worked with the behavioral analysis unit of the fbi in quantico, va for as long as you can remember fresh out of college.you know your place on the bottom as communications liaison, but what happens when your supervisor wants more for you?spencer reid is your best friend, and as things get more serious, more chances come to light.~i uploaded this from wattpad wrong so everything but the epilogue is in 1 chapter im so sorry*purposely lowercase and unedited*
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Kudos: 1





	push, stay

hey ao3!! im pretty sure i uploaded this wrong but im new here so bear(bare tf) with me👯👯

there's a 90% chance you've seen me in basically every spence reid story comment section ever on wattpad

anyways my adhd medication finally started working and i'm feeling ✨motivated✨ to start writing again

albeit i'm not a g r e a t writer but i thot i'd give it another try

i copy and pasted this directly from wattpad so the format and stuff might be off and i apologize ahead of time

idk if there's gonna be smut but this is probably gonna have some heavy content just cause it's criminal minds

it's based off season 3-4 reid cause that's my favorite 😌

so yeah i'll get y'all started off and if you'd stick wit me thru this it'll be ✨mucho appreciated✨

also comment cause y'all r funny and i need validation 😁❤️

omg and i'll try to link songs at the top that fit each chapter and outfit inspo etc cause that's what the cool kids do apparently 😎  
^^outfit inspo is rly hard to find so i'm only doing 3 cause that's all i found in like 15 minutes of research 👄

-disclaimer-  
i don't own criminal minds or the characters or cases mentioned  
y/n is created by me but who she is, is entirely up to you (the reader) physical wise  
also i'm a ✨minor✨ so just wanted to put that out there i'm literally a freshman so don't be rude🤩  
yuh so let's get started i'll update whenever i can 😗  
love y'all peace ✌️

-sylvie

prologue.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

^^woah what the fuck is that imma start putting those in  
~

"are you fucking kidding me?! fuck shit pussy bitch cunt ass bitch fuck shit!!!"

"girl what's wrong" your older sister ivy, only by a few years, had stayed the night at your apartment last night because you forgot how perfectly alcohol goes with your antidepressant medication. smart i know.

it's a wonder you made it to the fbi with how many basic skills you're lacking, but that's what you get when you basically flunk high school but work your ass off in college to make up for it, surviving off student loans, sport scholarships and the whopping $9,000 in your college fund from when you were a kid.

"my whole body feels like i just got thrown into a hydraulic press then blended then glued back together and then-"

"okay y/n jesus we get it."

it's not even 6 am and you were woken up by a fucking cell phone being thrown at your head by none other than your dearly beloved sister.

"𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲"

she had said unnecessary loud at- let me add again- 5:42 am when you already had a screaming headache from the hangover that's sure to set in completely soon.

"fuck it's strauss"

y/n: agent y/l/n.  
you groaned into the phone as you answered your section chief.

e.s: agent please round your team it's urgent. meet at the round table and be ready for wheels up in 2 hours. case files are already in your office and hotchner has already been notified.

y/n: yeah sure thanks strauss.

e.s: oh and y/n, please stop drinking you know how it affects you.

that bitch. like she's one to talk- everyone knows about her little issue but you don't see your team prying into her personal life like that.

you hung up and proceeded to call the rest of the team, informing them of the sudden case. throwing your phone onto the floor, you climbed out of bed, gathering clothes for the day and packing your go bag.

you brushed through your poofy, hard to manage somewhat curly wavy stupid hair and undressed quickly hopping in the shower.

while you bathed, ivy was in your main room sipping coffee she made and scrolling through tiktok, the quick changing sounds and song snippets adding background noises to your shower.

you lathered and scrubbed your bergamot lavender shampoo into your scalp, making sure suds fill your roots.

gently rinsing to clean the rest of your strands you watched as the white bubbles flowed floated and disappeared down the drain.

gathering a shit ton of product into your palms, you flipped your head over saturating your whole head of hair in the matching scented conditioner and brushed through it.

as you let it sit you grabbed your rosemary and mint facial cleanser and scrubbed your face with a washcloth, rinsing away what was left from last nights makeup.

you washed your body with the men's body wash you bought the other day.  
you don't like using all the rosy fruity perfumey stuff they sell for women, and men's soap smells better and works better for your skin type.

you quickly rinsed out your hair, washing away the conditioner residing in your very small but still someone noticeable curves, and stepped out of the shower, wrapping your hair in an old cotton t-shirt. and groaning in distaste at your reflection in the mirror.

~

hey omg thanks for reading the prologue- i can't promise it gets better but i'll try  
also my lowest grade is a d+ now instead of a d- and i'm actually proud of myself for just barely being on the cusp of passing marketing

okay love u guys chapter 1 should be up now <3  
-sylvie

1.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~  
"bitch you better hurry up if you don't want to be late- i'm sure derek's waiting on seeing your cute ass." ivy teased from outside the bathroom door.

"shit it's already 6:15 and i promised spencer i'd give him a ride."

your best friend in like the whole wide world. spencer walter reid.

funny story actually, you guys met at training when you both joined the fbi around the same time. he's a few years younger than you because he's a literal genius.

we're talking iq of 187, eidetic memory, being able to read 20,000 words per minute genius.

he was the first person you talked to at the bau and you guys clicked almost immediately. sharing a love of books, unnecessarily sweet coffee, science fiction, and the color purple. the actual color not the musical/movie thing.

you dried off and did your hair, just putting some leave in conditioner and scrunching it with the t-shirt.  
makeup is a waste of time for you, your eye bags actually look super good on you, the tiring look being aesthetically pleasing.

you threw on your clothes  
vvvv

^^ shoes are your imagination :O  
^^ shoes are your imagination :O

you ran to the kitchen pouring some coffee in two travel mugs; one for you and one for spencer. saying goodbye to your sister, you grab all your stuff and head out the door.

you got in your gold 1999 ford taurus (that kind of looks like a catfish), connected to the bluetooth plug in and shuffled your playlist titled 'songs i wsnt pressed into a vinyl record of my ashes'. the first song to play was 'care of cell 44' by the zombies.

turning up the volume you started en route to spencer's apartment.

~

spencie💜🥡🥢

y/n: hey loser i'm parked outside by the east entrance

s: kk i'll be out in a minute just grabbing some books.

y/n: hey spencer you know i love you dearly

s: what do you want y/n?

y/n: can you read to me on the jet 😗

s: of course bubs. i'll show you what i have when i get out there. and you know i love you dearly even more...

y/n: fine you can pick the music

s: 😁😁😁

~

it had taken you weeks to teach spencer how to text properly and what emojis were, the whole shabang. he still doesn't really understand or like it, but he copes.

you sit tapping on the steering wheel to the beat of the music playing, savoring the last few minutes before spencer puts on whatever classical music he's been psychoanalyzing lately. your hangover wasn't as extreme as you expected, the coffee and hot shower wearing most of it off, just leaving the remnants of a small headache.

you look over and see him stumble out the door with his chin length hair slightly slicked back on the sides. he's wearing his glasses which he almost never does.

he's wearing a white button down shirt with the sleeves kind of rolled up, tucked into dark brown, almost black slacks with his brown messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

he's wearing gideon's watch, which you've almost never seen him not wearing since he left the team.

no one else really understands spencer the way you do. you can relate to him with the parental issues, maybe not as in depth as him but enough to be able to find comfort in confiding in eachother.

"hey sorry i took so long" he folds his lanky figure in your small car and sets his bag on the floor next to him.

"no prob bob, oh here you go" you hand him the mug of scalding hot coffee and he greedily accepts it.

you pull out of the complex parking lot and spencer connects his phone, playing 'hoe-down, extrait de rodeo' conducted by aaron copland.

it's a really interesting piece, with lots of clicking. it sounds very western and cowboy-ish. he goes on spewing notes about the production of the music.

"a-actually this song was made as a reflection on the image we have of ourselves and was originally made for a ballet. copland didn't want to use it at first but it grew on him. the dynamic start of the piece represents how the cowgirl rebirthed herself to go from her cowpoke ways to the most..." he pauses and looks over at you licking his lower lip like does when he's deep in thought.  
he looks away and finishes-..."beautiful girl in the room"

you sit there in awe, stealing glances at the magnificently complicated man seated next to you. no one ever listens to him when he goes off on his tangents, when most of the things he talks about are actually really interesting. you would sit and listen to him ramble all day if you had the chance.

the tension in the car fades as new songs start playing, and eventually you pull into the parking structure of quantico headquarters.

you both get out of the car, and you open the backseat to grab your go bag. you and reid make your way out of the structure and into the building.

the ride up to the 6th floor is how it normally is, awkward, with the other 3 unknown passengers all standing silently together.

you make your way to your office and spencer follows you in, grabbing a hershey kiss from the bowl you keep on your bookshelf. popping it into his mouth, he leads you to the conference room where you are the first ones there.

the pictures are already up on the board.

this is gonna be a long case.

~  
omg hey first chapter  
how y'all likin it so far ??  
anyways yep that's it for today good night 😎✌️  
-sylvie

2.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~ TW case descriptions - death - sexual assault ~

you took your spot at the front of the table, standing so you have view of everyone seated, and the big screen behind you. reid sat next to you, able to give the encouraging no lipped smiles he's been giving you since you both joined the team.

the rest of the team filed in, starting with your unit chief, aaron hotchner, or hotch as everyone calls him.

the tall stern man gave a small wave and sat at the opposing end of spencer. he was wearing a dark suit like he normally does, but he was carrying his jacket, which was odd, considering the chilly temperature outside.

following hotch, emily prentiss and jennifer jareau walked in, with their shoulders basically touching. everyone has their assumptions on how their relationship is, and some think emily and hotch have a thing, but you are rooting more towards 'jemily' as others call it.

emily has raven hair just past her shoulders, it has slight waves, and she's wearing a red tank top and black pants.

jj has blonde hair, the same length as emily, and she wears a white button down blouse and navy bottoms.

next comes derek morgan with the technical analyst, penelope garcia hot on his trail.

their relationship is interesting. the flirting 24/7 and sexual tension floods each room they're in, but everyone knows nothing serious is taking place.

derek is a very tall, darkskinned bald man, wearing a charcoal gray t-shirt and khaki jeans.

penny on the other hand has quite the assortment of clothing choices. every color you can imagine lives in her closet, but today she wears an orange and burgundy patterned blouse and a correlating skirt, with a matching flower pin in her hair. along with some white rimmed glasses and white heels. her personality matches her aesthetic perfectly.

last but not least comes david rossi. the grandpa of the bau family. he's relatively older and very italian. he likes to host dinner parties at his mansion and almost always serves a pasta dish of sorts. he's a well renowned author and amazing profiler. he actually is one of the men who started the behavioral analysis unit of the fbi, with his best friend, jason gideon, who left the team a couple years ago.

as the team got settled, you started pulling up pictures of the latest victims, locations and other information you have on today's surprise case.

"good morning everyone, today we're going to portland, where we have four victims, two male and two female. three bodies were found in a mass grave and killed around six months ago, and one more was found nearby. causes of death range from burning alive to asphyxiation. no signs of sexual assault."

morgan notes, "the torture is clearly sadistic."

"the lack of sexual preferences could make it hard to tell whether the unsub is male or female. typically female serial killers, stick to the same m.o. but it looks like this guy is all over the place."

you contine, "the most recent victim is jenny wittman. asphyxiated and she was discovered yesterday, but never reported missing. the same with everyone else except one. rick holland, was reported missing nine months ago but the search was called off, most likely because emails were recovered from him explaining that he needed time off to figure things out, which seems off."

"if the unsub is reaching out it could be a sign of remorse, but psychopaths don't apologize for their behavior so it's more likely he's covering his tracks."

hotch packs up his folders, "thank you y/l/n, okay wheels up in 20."

you turn off the screen and everyone is dismissed to get ready. reid follows you to your office and he takes a seat in your desk chair and you collapse and lay on the floor with a groan.

"don't forget you promised to read to me pretty boy."

"i only will if you don't fall asleep and start drooling on me like you always do." reid shoots back.

you throw your ID clip at him "that is SO not fair i don't do that!! last i remember you were the one snoring on the way back from missouri last week."

reid looks hurt but you know he's faking it. you both stand up and grab your go bags and a handful of hershey kisses from the bowl and make your way to the suv's to board the jet.

~ time skip ~

on the jet, hotch assigned you, reid and himself to visit jenny wittman's apartment, emily stayed at the precinct to go over victimology, and morgan and rossi stayed to conduct a geographical profile. 

the three of you arrived at the apartment complex, hopped out of the suv and walked inside, flashing your badges and heading toward the elevator.

"you guys can take this i'll take the stairs and meet you guys up there." hotch muttered before leaving you and reid confused.

you stepped into the elevator and stood in silence for a minute before it suddenly came to a stop. 

you bounced up and down to shake it.

"don't do that" spencer warned.

"why isn't it moving?"

"I don't know."

you started pressing random buttons on the panel.

"no, stop- dont- stop- no- don't do that." 

"what, what's the problem?" you're just testing his patience at this point.

"don't do that!" he genuinely seems scared now.

"why not?"

"because there are six elevator related deaths per year. not to mention ten thousand injuries that require hospitalization, now chill out."

"those sound like pretty good odds to me." you smirked, "what are you scared reid?"

"i-i'm not scared, i don't want to be in an elevator with you to be honest."

you're bickering back and forth.

"what if i push that- and that, and that, what if i push-"

"i swear to god y/n stop."

the elevator makes a crashing sound and jolts down a little bit.

now you're scared. "woah. woah woah woah. okay."

"um- hit the- hit the-" reid tries to come up with some kind of solution, he obviously thinks you guys are gonna die here. he reaches over to show you and you continuously press the emergency alarm button, and faint bell sounds are heard from outside.

you're both fed up now.

"push it! it might have-"

"push, pull, push, pull, see, i'm doing it nothings happening."

spencer flails his harms around with his body pressed against the wall. "p-pry the- just pry the door open."

you try to push the two doors open to get some kind of escape but nothing works.

"it's stuck man." the elevator falls again.

you press up against the floor, "no, no no, not today. no, not today."

reid squeals like a scared little puppy, "hotch"

you ring the bell again. "HOTCH!"

the doors suddenly open and you and reid spill out of the elevator. hotch is waiting right there.

"was that the alarm? are you guys okay?" 

reid puts his hands on his knees and breathes, "i'll get back to you on that."

~ 

hey heyyyy this one's mostly case stuff but its tanktop emily so yuh and i though the elevator scene was nice cause everyone likes that one - there will be more backstory next chapter and i finished planning up to chapter 14 of this fic so hopefully i don't give up after the first 5 parts like ive done twice already :O

but yep thanks for reading- keep commenting love yall 

-sylvie <3

3.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~ TW mentions of therapy/depression - substance abuse - manipulation ~

the unsub is a therapist that specializes in helping his patients overcome their fears. derek figured that out from the most recent victim found earlier today who drowned, he had an appointment scheduled for this morning.

the unsub's name was dr. stan howard. once you guys had the name it wasn't hard to catch him.

you, prentiss and reid were sent to his office to check it out to see if he was there, or if there was any valuable information stored about any victims we could have missed.

being back in a therapists office was nostalgic for you in one of the worst ways. you aren't super close to the rest of the team besides spencer and penelope, so you never felt the need to mention your upbringing before college to anyone other than them. 

reid noticed how your body language shifted when you entered the building so every so often he would offer his pinky for you to hold. knowing his disposition of touching hands, because of how insanitary it is, it means a lot when he does that.

it's not like your parents were necessarily abusive, they just weren't the best at what they were supposed to be doing. your mom had an extensive diagnosis of mood disorders, as did your dad.

the prescribed medication to dull their mental illness mixed with the alcohol everyday wasn't great for you and your sister, but you could never do anything about it.

being forced to hang around wine drunk adults every night including weekdays put a damper on ivy and your teen years, and it took just as long for the consequences of that to set in as it did for you both to realize the severity of the situation.

they would always tell you they were planning on getting married anyway, but when they found out they were pregnant with ivy, they rushed it. 

staying together was apparently the best option for them to raise two girls, but looking back it probably would've been better if they had just divorced.

having an emotionally unavailable virgo dad paired with an emotionally in your face virgo mom and having two kids probably wasn't the best choice on their part. 

you're thankful for what you did have growing up, they let you go to therapy for the mental illness they unknowingly caused, which helped a little bit; but being told that 'you had it good because a lot of other people had it much worse than you' constantly, was invalidating to say the least; but look where you are now.

the mother fucking fbi.

and your big sister couldn't be prouder.

being lost in thought and memories from the past distracted you from the real case at hand, which was catching this son of a bitch. 

by now you and spencer had your hands fully clasped together, which helped ground you back to reality.

emily seemed visibly concerned, but didn't mention anything, thank god.

~ time jump ~

you eventually caught him, leaving everyone exhausted and ready to take advantage of the mandatory 3 days off after a case. that is if another one doesn't pop up.

on the jet ride back everyone was sleeping except you, who was reading one of the books you snatched from spencer's bag, and he was next to you on the couch with his head on your shoulder.

you were right, he does snore.

turbulence shook the plane and everyone stirred but then settled back to sleep.

when it landed, everyone gathered their things and filed off the aircraft and into their respected suv groups. 

"hey when we get back do you wanna come over? watch a movie maybe get some food?" you asked spencer as you both buckled into the vehicle.

"yeah sure. you can pick as long as i can tell you about it through the whole thing." jokes on him you would enjoy that.

"reid you know i love listening to you ramble how is that a fair exchange?"

"cause you're paying and ordering the food." 

you just scoffed and settled into the leather seat.

~ time jump again ~ 

you grabbed spencer's bag and threw it along with yours into your backseat. on the ride to your place you played some songs by ricky montgomery on shuffle, starting with 'this december'.

when you pulled into the small parking lot, you unplugged your phone, turned off the car and locked it after retrieving your bags and getting out.

heading towards the dark bricked building a chill ran up your spine from the cold october weather, and spencer put his arm around your lower back.

most people would think it's weird how you guys interact and think you act more like a couple, but they'd understand how your dynamic works if they understood how you two got started as friends. 

being the youngest members of the team, you bonded. you were the one reid went to about his addiction after his kidnapping, and you were the one he confided in when elle and gideon both left. 

along with that, he was the first person you told about your childhood, and the first to know about your educational malfunctions (aside from hotch but you had to tell him in order to get a job); but your relationship has never gone further than strictly platonic.

you greeted the doorman and made your way to your apartment, unlocking the door and stepping inside, spencer following, and locking the door back behind you.

he slugged over to the couch and collapsed into it, you wish you could do the same, but you go into the closet to find a chinese food menu for your favorite place that's open until midnight.

~ (AN) i rly dont feel like writing more rn so time skip again ~

the food got there at 11:15, and you and spencer are sitting in your bed under the covers eating and watching your favorite comfort movie, 'suburban gothic'. you watch it after every hard case when you just need something to distract you, and having spencer here makes it ten times better.

"ya know the main character kinda looks like you" you hold your chopsticks out and point to the tv right at raymond.

"really? i don't really see it. i mean we have the same hair color but that's about it. plus he's like so much hotter than me, and I don't wear american flag ascots around my neck."

you look over at him in disbelief. he's digging through the cardboard box at his pad thai with a fork; he's never been able to use chopsticks.

"dude what the fuck are you talking about?" you don't mean to come off as this defensive but at this point in the night you don't really care.

he takes a bite and looks back at you, "what?"

"you seriously think he's hotter than you?" 

"well yeah, obviously, look at him." he looks away and back down at his food.

you pause the movie and turn to face him, setting down your food on the nightstand.

"spencer walter reid look into my eyes" he does. "you are the most fucking amazing hottest smartest kindest funniest sexiest genius man i've ever met and if i ever hear you talking bad about yourself again i will not hesitate to beat you to the ground do you hear me?" 

he giggles and takes a sip of his whiteclaw. you never buy whiteclaws but it's better than regular water cause duh alcohol but it's not too strong for spencer, even though this is his 5th one and he has z e r o alcohol tolerance.

"but i mean look at me. my hair's too long and always looks weird and gross no matter how i wash or style it" his jaw starts quivering and his eyes are glossy, "my ties are perpetually crooked, i have the posture of an earthworm, i-i-i can't compare to raymond that guy's perfect."

you've never seen him like this. sure you've seen him drunk but he's only tipsy right now and he looks like he's about to break.

you don't know what to do, you want what anyone would want in that situation, for him to stop talking shit about himself but you can't exactly just tell him to shut up. he's fragile.

so you kiss him.

stupid idea.

but the right one.

~

howdy howdy howdy - i say that a lot oops

well yall kissed how that make u feel >:O

i had a lot of caffeine a few minutes ago so i might knock out the fourth chapter right now anyways thanks for reading love you !!!

-sylvie <3

4.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~ TW mentions of self harm and substance abuse~

the kiss is hesitant at first, but you both give in after a second. you can taste the subtle hint of grapefruit on spencer's lips.

he reaches his right hand up to your face, his thumb resting on your cheekbone, your ear dividing his pointer and middle fingers, and his ring and pinky under your jawline.

your left hand comes up to wrap around the back of his neck, your cold nervous hands contrasting to his warm flushed skin.

you stay there for a minute or two, engulfed in the foreign yet intoxicating feeling of his lips. you almost forget what you're NOT supposed to be doing, which is exactly this.

friends don't do this.

you reluctantly pulled away, keeping your placement on his shoulder now. you look at his face; his cheeks and tip of his nose are scarlet and his pupils are dilated and almost watery.

you're almost positive you look the same.

spencer stands up and gathers yours and his dishes to take to the kitchen. you shut off the tv and climb out of bed, collecting your hairbrush, towel, t-shirt, as well as some pajamas, just some boxers a very previous hookup left over and a sage green crewneck sweatshirt.

"i'm gonna take a shower, you can too when i'm finished" you shout to spencer in the kitchen.

you turn on the water hot enough to boil yourself, which you usually do, but tonight it's significantly hotter. you brush through your hair as it poofs up due to the steam in the bathroom, and undress yourself, mindfully avoiding the mirror.

stepping in you wince at the sudden contact of the hot water. it's painful, but that's what you intended. you kind of feel like you deserve the feeling, but you can't go back down that road.

you glance down at your hips and can barely see the remnants of what your high school self did.

avoiding your thoughts, you carefully wash and condition your hair, cleaning your face and body, the smell of lavender and bergamot musk filling the steamy air.

you hum to yourself in no particular tune or rhythm trying to get spencer out of your head, which is kind of hard considering he's in the next room over.

when you finish in the shower, you brush through your hair again, putting it in two twisty braids to sleep in, lotion your body with lavender peppermint lotion and put on your pajamas.

you'd think that with all the different scented products you use, it would be overpowering, but it's not. they all coordinate perfectly to create a nice array of pleasant aromas.

you climb into bed facing the wall, and setting up pillows so there's enough room for spencer to lay with you.

]you would take the couch but it's excruciatingly uncomfortable to sleep on and far too small for you and in turn for him as well.

you hear the shower turn on and as you're about to fall asleep like a half hour later, you hear your wardrobe open while spencer fetches some pajamas.

he keeps a lot of clothes at your apartment because he stays over like fifty percent of the time, it just makes sense.

you feel the other side of the bed shift as he settles into the covers, and soon enough you both return to a peaceful slumber.

~

in the morning you're awoken by the beeping of your alarm. taking a few seconds to recognize your surroundings, you notice you're no longer far away from spencer or facing the wall.

instead you're on your right side with one arm under your head and the other in spencer's hair, who is hugging your waist.

~(AN im literally screaming at 6:32pm i want this so bad bye)

you don't want to move, but the continuous blaring of your alarm needs you to.

you roll careful to not disturb the sleeping man on your hip and turn off the device. spencer stirs and hugs you tighter.

five more minutes can't hurt.

until your phone starts ringing, which wakes him up. neither of you say anything but by the undisturbed look on his face, he doesn't remember what happened last night.

you don't understand how though, is he really THAT much of a lightweight? it's ridiculous but you don't mind. it's probably best he doesn't remember anyway.

spencer unplugs your phone from the nightstand and hands it to you, its strauss.

y/n: yeah hello?

e.s: agent y/l/n?

y/n: yeah this is her, do we have a case?

e.s: yes we do, in texas, so notify your team.

y/n: yes ma'am.

she hangs up and you groan, falling back down onto the mattress.

erin strauss is a confusing woman. since you joined the bureau she's kind of acted like a mother to you, but more strict. she knows all about you and vice versa. you both helped eachother with substance abuse issues and other stuff.

she's a really caring and sweet person when you get on her good side and get to know her, but her work persona is very different, and that's what most people see of her.

"is it a case?" you forgot spencer was there next to you, still with his eyes closed.

"yeah we have to go to texas. i fucking hate texas." you don't know why you hate that state, it just doesn't sit right with you. like florida and wyoming.

"yeah me too, too many cowboy wannabe's."

"didn't you wanna be a cowboy, genius?"

"yeah but that's different because i actually know what cowboys are. they actually do work, and definitely aren't right winged conservative assholes."

he makes a lot of sense, so you just nod.

you call the rest of the team and start getting dressed.

spencer follows, doing the same. he puts on a yellow ish collared shirt under a maroon sweater with dark stripes, and brown slacks. he wanders into the bathroom where you hear him brushing his teeth, and he slicks his hair back slightly on the sides.

he wanders into the bathroom where you hear him brushing his teeth, and he slicks his hair back slightly on the sides  
like this ^^^ omg

you decide on wearing white loose pants with a medium beige button down blouse tucked in and a matching belt and black dr martens.

you decide on wearing white loose pants with a medium beige button down blouse tucked in and a matching belt and black dr martens  
^^^ this but a little less low-cut shirt

you take your hair out of the braids that helped tame it slightly and head to the bathroom to finish your morning routine.

when you and spencer are both ready, you fill two travel mugs with coffee and ruffle his hair on your way out the door.

~  
not me spending all day writing instead of doing schoolwork 👁👄👁  
yeah part 5 and 6 will probably be out tmrw so stay tuned ig  
ly  
-sylvie <3

5.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~ TW case description - death ~

on the car ride to headquarters, there are twenty minutes of awkward silence to fill. 

it's always weird when you know something someone else doesn't, especially when that fact could change a lot between you too.

but you keep reminding yourself;

it was just a kiss.

it was in the heat of the moment.

it meant nothing.

fuck he doesn't even remember it.

but it felt so right.

like our lips were made for eachothers.

stop.

y/n this is rediculous.

to drown out your thoughts and stop distracting yourself while driving, you shuffle a new band you've been listening to called 'the backseat lovers'. you normally don't like british singers, or british people in general; something about them just irks you; but their music is really good.

spencer notices how tense you are, but doesn't understand why.

"hey are you alright?"

fuck

he pulls you out of daydreaming, "oh yeah i'm good" he doesn't seem convinced.

"you know you can talk to me right?" 

it's so sweet how he cares about you, and you know it's genuine too.

y/n stop

where the fuck is this coming from??

"yeah of course." you meet his gaze and see how concerned his eyes actually look. "spencer i promise i'd tell you if something was bothering me."

he just nods slowly and reluctantly reaches for your hand, intertwining your pinkies.

a small but sterling gesture. one that he knows always comforts you, and you almost instantly relax.

you pull into the bureau parking structure and park in spot A06. you know that cars parked closer to the entrances and elevators are less likely to be broken into because they're more out in the open, so you tend to take those precautions.

~

"morning y'all" you try to lighten the mood by cracking a joke about where you guys are headed, and succeed, even hotch cracks a little smile. 

"today we're flying west to carrollton texas. people have reported finding missing persons flyers for people who aren't missing, including themselves, then later showing up dead." you watch as your team winces at the case information.

you notice rossi isn't there, and strauss usually sits in on your briefings, but she isn't present either. oh well.

just as you finish your thought, the old italian man waltzes through the conference room doors, finding his seat quickly and apologizing for being late.

a minute later erin strauss comes in too and silently finds her spot at the adjacent wall from you.

huh. weird.

"the first victim was michelle colucci, found with, get this, her face cut off, done pre-mortem and turned out to be the official COD. there were signs of sexual assault as well. the unsub dumped her body by weighing it down in a lake."

jj and emily share a glance and both mutter small reactions.

"so definite overkill, but why?" morgan remarks.

"techincally if the face removal was done pre-mortem it wouldn't be overkill, it's most likely a signature of some kind." reid corrected, looking in your direction, to which you gave him an encouraging smile.

hotch interjected, "we can go over more on the jet, wheels up in thirty."

to that the rest of the team got up from their seats and started exiting the room.

emily pulled rossi aside, motioning between him and strauss, "and we aren't done discussing this, we haven't even begun."

he threw his hands up in defeat, "notato signora."

gathering your files and such, you made your way to the ladies room to refresh yourself before takeoff.

after taking care of b u s i n e s s, you wash your hands, fix your hair and go to leave the bathroom, and you hear shuffling outside the door. 

carefully opening it, you see something brown and green peeking around the corner. thinking nothing of it, you start heading toward your office.

"BOO!"

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST REID WHAT THE SHIT WAS THAT?!?!"

the dark figure takes off his mask revealing a blushed spencer reid with messy hair and a huge grin on his face.

"it's almost halloweEeEeeEen!!!" he said in a spooky voice.

you just scoffed at him and chuckled.

"it's literally like october twentieth, we still have like two weeks."

"okay and? so what? am i not allowed to be excited?" he faked a hurt look. "do you really just hope for my unhappiness everyday of your life?? well congratulations y/n, you succeeded." 

"okay now you took that too far" you joke, lightly pushing on his shoulder. "come on loser we board soon."

spencer follows you to your office, and on the way there you notice derek and emily by the break room staring at you two and giggling. 

you look at them and point, "what is this guys high school? grow up" you say with a laugh, going into your office and shutting the door, reid collapsing on the small couch, looking defeated.

restocking the small things in your go back, like a travel pack of tissues, a new toothbrush and toothpaste, some lady supplies just in case, and some travel sized hand sanitizer for spencer.

you'd more than likely be going to multiple offices and residences, reid is usually super uncomfortable with that, and we don't always have gloves for him to wear.

you've been forgetting to refill the bottle for the last few cases and you felt bad, but you remembered this time.

~ time jump ~

the unsub turned out to be max poole, an employee at an office nearby where the murders and kidnappings took place. 

poole didn't survive. rossi shot him when he was trying to escape.

spencer and you had to go through his cubicle and computer looking for anything you can use against him, coming up empty-handed besides some missing persons flyer templates.

getting in the suv's to head back to the jet, reid kept a safe distance from anything touching his hands. it pained you to watch him in such discomfort.

pulling out the small bottle of disinfectant from your bag and handing it to him, you exchanged a grateful smile with spencer, as he squirted some of the green gel on his hands, offering you some as well.

~

the jet ride was agonizingly longer than you remembered it being, and your phone died so you couldn't distract yourself.

everyone else was sleeping, but reid was sitting next to you reading 'riders of the purple sage' by zane grey, an old mormon western novel, with his earbuds in. you keep peeking over his shoulder every few minutes to catch a glance at the story, and spencer pretends not to notice.

finally he got fed up in watching you attempt, and fail to be sneaky.

"do you want me to read to you?" he spoke gently as to not wake anyone else, but his voice cracked a little, straining to be louder.

you nodded eagerly and positioned yourself so you could listen better, as he leant you his right earbud so you could listen too. 

he was playing 'the backseat lovers' at a low volume, the quiet acoustic of 'olivia' drowning out the humming of the plane engine.

he read slower than he could actually comprehend the writing, if he read to you in twenty thousand words per minute, you'd never be able to keep up. 

eventually his soft spoken reading lulled you to sleep.

right as you dozed off, your head slowly fell to rest on his shoulder.

when spencer was sure you had fallen asleep, he closed his book and readjusted so you pair could lay resting on eachother, his head on top of yours.

at that moment, being a lot like others you two have shared, there was only peace in the world, or at least in the jet, flying over arkansas. 

~

bruh i tried to make the last part nice and peaceful but the a r k a n s a s at the end ruins it :| 

anyways sorry its so late, i'm probably gonna end up staying up rly late tonight writing but thats showbizz babey

also i'm starting with a new therapist tmrw and im super excited and im hoping this one won't break the law and our contract :| yep love u peace

-sylvie <3

6.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ  
~ TW lots of gore description-case details-violence~

"morning everyone, today we're heading to charleston, south carolina. men in their 20's are being slaughtered."

the team looks up at you with wide eyes, jj being the only one to speak up. "what do you mean slaughtered?"

"throats slashed, eyes gouged out, fingers and toes cut off- but not removed from the scene- disemboweled, the whole ten yards."

morgan takes another look at the pictures then back at you. "it'll be hard to talk victimology, there's barely anything left of them to identify."

"there were three victims, titus easterling was the first, then thomas pershing, followed by quinn yagami. with that we were able to get a better look at their lifestyles. they all have stable jobs and relationships with their long term girlfriends."

pictures of three men and three women pop up on the screen, the men are handsome. all with shaggy light brown hair, hazel eyes. they're tall and look well kept. sounds familiar.

the women range from different appearances and all work at the same bar in downtown charleston.

"we can further debrief on the jet, wheels up now." hotch stood up dismissing everyone.

spencer crossed the room over to you, waiting for you to finish packing up with his hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels.

"hey can i ask you something?" he sounded calm, just like he was about to ask about work or something.

you look up at his tall figure, "yeah of course what's up?"

"nothing- nothing happened right? like w-with you and me?" now he sounds nervous.

you tilt your head and pretend to think for a second, shaking it slowly, "no i don't think so? why, whatcha thinkin about?"

"n-nothing i was just wondering, cause we hung out a few weeks ago and drank a little-" more like a lot genius "and i don't like, remember much from that night."

thank god.

"yeah no we're all good." he gave a thumbs up in response and the two of you follow eachother out the door and to the suv's.

~ time jump to 2 weeks later ~

"reid can i speak to you in private."

"oooooh someone's in troubleeeee" you elbowed his side jokingly.

"shut up y/n." well damn then, just trying to lighten the mood.

everyone's been so on edge lately because we have no new leads and we're growing restless.

you know he didn't mean it like that but his attitude still stung. he was just nervous about what hotch wanted.

spencer sulked towards the offices and when he made it to the door, hotch ushered for you to come with them.

"y/l/n you too, i need your guys' help."

uh oh.

he wasted no time in getting right started.  
"i know you two are really close, and regarding the circumstances, and the way we aren't getting anywhere with this case, i feel as though this is our only option."

he paused to gauge our reactions. not that there was much to go off of.

"sorry sir i don't think i follow..." reid muttered.

"i need you two to go undercover. you are two of the most well suited for this and you get along very well, both in and out of the field. plus reid fits the victimology almost perfectly, it's our last idea and opportunity to catch this woman."

you've never been undercover before. spencer has though, so you can't imagine it could be that hard.

right?

"yeah whatever you need sir. i'm sure reid can fill me in on what to do, saying as he has experience but yes, i'd be willing to do it." you turned to reid to see what he was considering.

"i-i mean yeah i can do that." he sounds fairly unsure of his decision, but you're sure he'll pull through.

"thank you both. i know it's not an ideal situation but it's our final option. spencer, derek will help you get ready, y/n, emily will help you. once you both are suited and ready i'll brief you on the protocol and plans. any questions?"

"yeah actually um- i don't have to kiss reid do i?"

~

"sweetcheeks i guarantee you'll be perfect now stop stressing!"

you and emily had facetimed penelope to consult about your outfit.

the bureau lent you $200 to go shopping for you and spencer for the night, and after hitting up a few stores at the mall you decided.

spencer will be wearing a dark green button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and black pants with his converse -which he refused to give up- and a gold dagger necklace.

you will be wearing a low cut black tank top type shirt -that accentuates your chest- with a dark red pleated skirt, black pantyhose, black heels, and silver jewelry.

your hair is relatively short, so it's not hard to just throw up in a half up half down style, with two pieces out at the front.

"holy shit y/n you look fucking hot i'd fuck tou right now if i could." emily's always a little over the top with compliments, but you don't mind. it's emily after all, she's amazing.

"let me see let me see!" emily turned the phone so penelope could see; you twirling around in a small circle.  
"oh my goodness y/n you look stunning!!!! it's a somewhat simple outfit but you totally rock it!!"

you giggle a little bit, "thanks pen, and thanks em for helping me get ready."

"yeah of course- now go see spencer! i'm sure he looks hot as fuck too." she hangs up with penny and pushes you out the door out into the open precinct.

your outfit warranted creepy stares from the local cops in the building, which creeped you out, but knowing you were there with your team made it easier.

spencer walked out of a room with derek following him, he looked really good.

his forearms were toned, and he had rings on, you didn't know he wore rings.

he stopped in his tracks when he saw you, his mouth opening a little bit mimicking your same expression.

"spencer you rascal you look fucking sexy!" you walked over to him and he shook himself out of his trance.

"y-yeah thanks you do too, wow." you made spencer reid stutter. cha-ching.

"okay pretty boy keep it in your pants, we have an unsub to catch." morgan pat him on the back and you all headed to the conference room to be briefed.

~  
bruh

why did it take me so long to update? i guess we'll never know 💃🕺💃🕺💃🕺💃

7.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ  
~ TW guns- violence ~

you and spencer are to be posing as a happy couple. you're going to 'proof', a bar on king street. the bartender knows you're coming, so she's going to prepare non-alcoholic beverages for you during the night to appear less suspicious.

you have microphones tucked in your tops and a gun holstered under your skirt.

spencer has one under his shirt, which has velcro and false buttons for easy access.

you both have false engagement rings, which when pressed three times on the button on the bottom, will send an emergency signal to the team, alerting them to move in.

it's time. now or never.

you and spencer get in a car reserved for the both of you, and he drives, with his hand on your knee the whole ride.

the team is already there. morgan and jj stationed outside the door posing as ushers, hotch and emily around the corner, and other agents stationed in places inside and outside the bar.

if the unsub sticks to her routine, she'll be here tonight looking for new victims. being spencer.

him and you make small conversation throughout the night, cracking jokes, and comparing recently read books, and planning for future hangouts.

then the expression on spencer's face changes drastically. the puckered smile he once had had been replaced by a scowl.

"she's here."

you don't know how he knows; but his instincts about things like this are rarely ever wrong.

you subtly look over, and alone on the side sits a beautiful woman. no older than 30, sipping on a martini, surveying the room.

"i'm gonna head to the bathroom." you touch spencer's shoulder, grab your small purse and head to the ladies restroom.

"y/n she's following you in." spencer's voice rings in your ear from the earpiece.

you set your empty purse on the counter and go into a stall, faking tasks.  
(lol among us)

you watch her feet go from another stall to the sink, washing her hands, but staying at the sink for longer after, then exiting the bathroom.

you go to the sink to retrieve your purse, then go back in the stall, standing on the toilet seat to somewhat hide. planning on staying for another six or seven minutes, or until spencer tells you to come back.

~  
(spencer's pov)

i'm waiting at the bar counter sipping my fake shirley temple waiting for y/n to get back, and a woman approached me. 

the same one that followed y/n to the bathroom.

the unsub.

she comes over to me, motioning to y/n's seat.  
"is this seat taken." she says with a wink.

her voice is appalling. something about the pitch and tone makes my skin crawl.

i point to the ring on my finger and she throws her hands up in a scoff.

and that's when i notice the gloves she's wearing.

"oh my i guess i should have seen that! that's a nice ring, how much, eleven grand?"

she picks up my hand, and i wince at the contact. i never touch strangers. especially not their hands.

the amount of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering and disgusting, it's actually safer to kiss.

not that i'll be kissing this woman any time soon.

jesus where is y/n she said she'd be back by now what's taking so long.

"u-um if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go find my fiancé." i try to come up with an excuse to leave but that's all i can come up with.

i stand and carefully walk to the women's bathroom peeking in the door, making sure there's no one in there. 

all clear.

"y/n? hey are you in here?"

no answer.

there's only one locked stall so she must be there, but if she is, why isn't she coming out? 

i pick the lock, which is really easy. public bathrooms should invest in better privacy tools.

swinging the door open to reveal y/n, collapsed sitting on top of the toilet seat, slumped over onto the wall.

i kneel down to meet her eyes, which are closed enough for me to see they rolled back.

then my vision starts to spot and i feel lightheaded.

before i fall to the ground i manage to press the alert button three times.

just as i lose consciousness, i hear the door bust open and the sounds of derek morgan speaking.

then it all fades away.

~  
(your pov)

you wake up to blinding lights.

like literally blinding. you can't see anything through them.

you don't know if anyone's there but you manage to squeak out "lights off", then hear shuffling, and it's dark again.

you let your eyes adjust, and look over at emily sitting in one of the chairs to your right.

you're in a hospital.  
what the fuck.  
you hate hospitals.

"hey babes how you feeling?" she talks quietly as to not upset you.

you don't even know the answer to that, all your memories from after going to the bathroom are gone, and now you're here.

"could be better, i don't remember anything."

"that's alright we weren't expecting you to."

"why am i here?"

"thallium poisoning. in yours and spencer's drinks."

"that's impossible the only one who had access to them was... the bartender."

"we know. she's in custody. along with another woman who was there."

"that's weird though, we didn't profile a partner."

"we didn't profile a lot of things y/n, we had basically nothing to go off of." you nodded. "but spencer is okay, he woke up a while ago."

"what time is it?"

she turns her wrist to look at her watch, "4:24am. but don't worry you're cleared to leave as soon as you're ready to walk."

"can i get a wheelchair or something, i-i wanna see spencer." you sound desperate, but hell you are.

emily nods and a few minutes later, she's back with a nurse and a wheelchair.

she takes you to spencer's room, and he's laying there with a book. he perks up when he sees you roll through the door.

"hey loser" you manage to choke out.

"sup bitch how was your nap?" he chuckes and looks at the floor.

"hey i'm sorry for getting us into this." you didn't want to feel guilty but you did.

"i jumped the gun when hotch suggested going undercover because i thought it would make me seem cooler."

"it definitely worked though cause you look so cool in that wheelchair." you both laugh, then he turns serious.

"y/n you do know it's not your fault though. we're both okay, we're fine, and we caught the unsub- or unsubs i guess. all thanks to your 'jumping the gun'. so don't feel guilty, it's all part of the job. plus how were we to know there were two?"

you smile a little bit in response. words can't form out of your mouth at the moment, so you move over to his bed.

something about spencer just always helps. no matter what the situation is, he always finds a way to make you, or anyone, feel better about it.

"move over pussy." you slowly stand up, managing to do it on your own, then climb in the hospital bed with spencer, cuddled up on his side while he reads to you.

damn y/n.

you have the best best friend in the world.

~  
not them getting friendzoned 🤼  
anyways yep this was fun to write actually- stay tuned for 8 that i might punch out tonight.

also what do y'all think about spencer's pov is it sum y'all would want in the future or..?

yep thanks keep commenting ily  
-sylvie <3

8.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~

after being tested for any remaining symptoms of the thallium poisoning, you and reid were released and went home.

as expected, neither of you wanted to be alone, so spencer offered to have you stay there for the night.

by the time you made it back to his place, it was around 5:15am, but hotch gave you both the next few days off, to recover.

"do you wanna watch a movie or something, i could make us some food?" spencer offered with a flat smile after you fell onto the couch.

"no offense dude but you can't cook for shit." it was true, the only thing he could make was mac n cheese, toast and coffee. but mac n cheese did sound good. "actually yeah, if you wanna cook you can."

he already knew what you were thinking, so he grabbed a box from the cabinet and started boiling some water.

"if you wanna pick the movie you can, i'll put it on." you looked at spencer leaned against the counter reading the nutritional facts on the back of the box, deep in thought.

he looked hot.

y/n stop.

but why?

because he's your best friend.

okay and? i can appreciate his beauty.

"hey sexy what movie?" you repeated, but louder this time. that caught his attention.

you got up from the couch and made your way to the kitchen, sitting on a stool by the counter.

"u-um, i-i mean there was this old russian movie i've been meaning to watch; 'ivan's childhood', or more known as 'my name is ivan' in the united states, it's about nazis."

he seemed super excited about it, so i figured why not. only one problem.

"yeah sure, but english subtitles are a must, i don't speak russian."

his smile only grew, "that's okay, yeah subtitles, sure, or i could do a simultaneous whisper translate for you."

you chuckled at his enthusiasm, "okay weirdo whatever would make you happiest," you teased, pinching his cheek.

the food is finished, so spencer scooped half of the mac n cheese in a bowl for you, and one for him.

handing you the bowl, he leads you to the living room area, where 'ivan's childhood' is already cued up.

you press play and the movie starts, and so do spencer's whisper translations.

about halfway through, you start to drift to sleep, and so was he.

"as much as i'm enjoying this movie, i should go shower, i feel gross from being in the hospital."

"okay yeah no problem, i'll hop in after you."

you gave him a thumbs up, and ruffled his hair before going into the bathroom and starting to undress.

turning on the water and letting the room steam up, you brushed through your hair with the brush from the bag of toiletries you keep at spencer's apartment.

you step in the scorching water and let the warmth engulf your senses, saturating your hair with water and savoring the feeling of peace inside the small shower.

you're almost about to fall asleep before a knock sounds at the door.

"hey y/n can i pee super quick?"

you step out of the shower, unlocking the door before quickly resuming your position in the bathtub.

spencer finishes up, yawning as he washes his hands.

then a thought pops into your head.

just as he's reaching for the doorknob you speak.

"hey spence?"

"yeah what's up?"

you start to get nervous and hesitate, "do- um- do you wanna just- come in here with me?"

it doesn't take a profiler to notice how you caught him by suprise with the question.

"a-actually nevermind that was weird you don't have t-"

"-no, i- yeah i can. that is if you're okay with... that-?"

this is the most awkward fucking conversation you two have ever had.

you peek your head out through the shower curtain and nod.

spencer starts undressing, starting with his shirt and tie, you wash your face as you wait for him to join you.

when he steps in, things get weird.

the room seems hotter and your ability to breathe right is impared.

he steps under the spray of the water and reaches for the shampoo (not 3 in 1 cause spencer's a baddie), but you stop him.

"can i do it?" you look up at him with a grin and he nods.

you squirt some shampoo onto your hands before lathering it in his hair. he has to bend over for you to be able to reach, but you're enjoying yourself.

he rinses his hair, and returns the favor by washing your hair, and you condition his, and vice versa.

when you pull apart, you both stand there just looking at eachother, but it feels different.

it's not like you've never seen eachother naked before, drunk nights lead to showering together, but never anything intimate, and you're never sober.

but this time you are. and that makes everything real.

it makes everything scary.

he's looking down at you, and you up to him, and he reaches his hand up to touch your face.

the room just keeps getting hotter.

and then he kisses you.

and it's like everything else in the world just stopped except for the two of you there.

the physical feeling isn't unfamiliar, but the only thing different is that you'll both remember this tomorrow.

both of his hands are now cupping your face, with your hands on top of his, fingers intertwined.

he pulls away and just looks at you, keeping hands where they were.

"woah, deja vu." he looked away confused.

"yeah about that..." you considered not telling him, but that seemed wrong. "we kissed a few weeks ago."

his mouth was agape, "wait what? when? and why didn't you tell me?"

"it was that night when you came over and got pretty drunk, it wasn't really much, but you woke up the next morning and didn't remember and i didn't wanna make things weird." you were talking fast, but you felt bad.

"oh." his hold on your face faltered, then resumed. "oh well," he pulled you in again and connected your lips once more.

~

yall.

kevin lynch can suck my fat cunt i hate him so much-

i was watching the tracey lambert episode while writing this and my mom was asking what we wanted for dinner and she suggest CHILI and i said fuck nah and now i'm in charge of making joe mantegna's recipe for carbonara a la rossi cause mama aint raised no bitch we gotta make papa pasta proud  
^^update it wasn't that good it's better with my moms 'recipe' cause onions are gross

anyways yep here's ch 8 which is basically just a filler part :|

9.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~ AN i just realized i forgot to put a song for the last part and im kinda behind track from my plan of how i was gonna write this but oh well we're just winging it now and this one is just another filler ~

you wake up tangled up in your best friend- boyfriend- best friend that you're in love with? spencer. you wake up tangled up in spencer. checking the clock, it's 11:31am. shit.

you're laying on your back, and you look over at spencer, who's laying on his stomach, facing you, with his left hand draped over your stomach holding your own, and the other up by his head. your legs are intertwined with his, and most of the blankets are on the floor. it's not unusual to wake up like this after a sleepover with spencer, but the feelings are different now.

just thinking about it makes your stomach erupt in butterflies.

he looks so fragile and soft laying there, like the smallest movement would break him.

oh well, not your problem.

laying a chaste kiss on his cheek, you remove yourself from the bed, snatching a smaller blanket from the floor, and moving to the bathroom.

you coat your already wet toothbrush with minty toothpaste, brushing your teeth while you go to pick out an outfit for today, deciding on some khaki colored loose jeans you thrifted, and a black button down shirt. nothing special, since today will probably just be spent hanging around with spencer.

you slipped on some socks, one purple, one grey, and went to go make breakfast.

you figured it was the least you could do for spencer after yesterday. that man doesn't deserve any more on top of all the shit he's gone through for this stupid job, and as his best friend, it's your job to make sure he recovers quickly and healthily.

putting in your earbuds, you shuffle your playlist titled 'coochie' (mf thats the only name i could think of at the time and its the playlist i'm listening to rn bye) as you gather supplies to make pancakes.

pancakes are like the only breakfast food spencer will eat, since he never gets up in time to actually make himself food, not that he has the capacity to actually cook.

you don't dance while you listen to music, mostly because you're scared spencer will walk in at amytime and make fun of you.

(AN and its embarrassing as FUCK for the reader BYEEEEE)

as you're putting the last batch of them on the pan, you hear the bathroom door shut, notifying you that spencer's awake. a few minutes later he slugs into the kitchen, wearing nothing but dark sweatpants draped over his hips, revealing his toned stomach.

holy fuck holy shit oh wow oh wow

if i wasn't a girl i'd have the biggest boner ever oh my god

y/n shut the fuck up

"morning loser" you take out an earbud and look over at him, his sunken dark eyes meeting yours.

he comes over and grabs a pancake, "you're awfully chipper for someone who was just poisoned less than 24 hours ago."

"and you're awfully grumpy for someone who got a full nights sleep for the first time in -what- 3 years?"

"touche ditch, touche."

ditch.

that fucking nickname.

when you met spencer at the academy, you were partnered up to practice driving in case you had to go out into the field. lets just say you weren't the best driver back then, but you've gotten better.

anyway one time you were driving along some weird empty road, and it was icy and snowing. you almost drove into a ditch and spencer started FREAKING out -like way more than he should've- and started yelling, messing up his words, "YOU FUCKING DITCH YOU ALMOST LANDED US IN A BITCH!" to which you replied, "oh calm down loser but i DIDN'T, and it was totally the ice's fault!"

hence the way you call him loser and you ditch. he hasn't called you that in a really long time though, ever since he got kidnapped last year.

good to see things might be brightening up for him.

you started chuckling after recalling the backstory of your lame nicknames, dishing up a few pancakes for spencer and yourself. he retrieved the syrup and butter, and you both sat down to eat.

"so i was thinking- maybe today we could like go down to the museum" spencer suggested.

"yeah that would be fun, i heard there's a new collection of mesopotamian artifacts. we can get like a late lunch early dinner type thing after if you want. my treat."

"y/n if you're still trying to make my life easier by being my live-in therapist after hard cases you don't need to. i'm fine."

"no it's not that" he glared at you suggestively. "okay maybe it is like that but i'm not doing it because i have to, i want to. i like taking care of you. it's like we're married." that last part slipped- but the rest was true.

as much as you hated to admit it, taking care of spencer after cases gave you a sense of purpose. it probably wasn't the healthiest thing to do- but it was a fun little thing that's beneficial for both of you.

"i'm not gonna stop taking care of you loser, i love you too much. plus it's fun and i know you deserve it."

"y/n i don't des-" he started but you cut him off, "spencer walter reid don't you fucking dare finish that sentence. you deserve to be taken care of more than anyone i know."  
you were yelling now.

"yeah but so do you..."  
and he started to raise his voice.

"okay so then we'll take care of eachother, what's the big deal?"

the next few minutes of you two eating were in silence. each of you nervous to talk next.

when you finished eating, you grabbed the dishes, quickly rinsing and putting them in the dishwasher.

while spencer got ready -assuming your plans were still on- you sat and picked up a book you've read a million times just to pass the time.

~ time skip ~

"uh- we'll take two adult tickets just for an all-around pass please." spencer started reaching for his wallet and you smacked his hand away.

"no way pretty boy i said it was my treat."

"yeah but it was my idea and i thought we agreed to keep the 'taking care of' a mutual thing."

you gave up arguing with him and just decided you'd take care of lunch.

as the person at the desk gave you your tickets, spencer took your hand in his and lead you to the exhibit.

~

"okay boy genius, what's that one?"

"that one is a replica of an irrigation system. it's actually really well done considering the time stamp. ancient mesopotamians were one of the most advanced civilizations for their time, with laws and systems, most of which have at least one thing or another to do with what we have here today."

spencer and you had spent the next hour and a half sitting in the mesopotamian artifact room on the floor. spencer's disposition of germs wasn't a problem though, you just took off your jacket for him to sit on.

a few people had come and gone, listening to his mini history lessons on some of the objects at the museum, probably thinking he was a tour guide.

he was your tour guide, so they were right on that part. 

at around 4, spencer looked up places for lunch nearby, and the two of you went to a small greek restaurant not far from the museum.

~

when you finally got back to your apartment, you started boiling some water for tea when your phone began buzzing.

spencer came in the kitchen, handing it to you and leaning on the counter, ready to listen in on whatever conversation you were about to have.

it was hotch.

this wasn't out of the ordinary, considering you both have to go into work tomorrow, and even if you had a case, strauss is normally the one to call.

you picked up the phone; "hello, this is y/n y/l/n"

(AN i started typing my mf name smh)

"y/l/n this is hotchner, i just had a few things i wanted to speak with you about. would there be a chance you could come in early tomorrow and we can talk about it then? if not that's totally alright we can figure something out."

uh oh

"oh yeah sir of course, no problem."

"again y/n it's nothing to worry about, so don't stress about it. have a good night and tell reid i say hi."

"of course sir, you as well." and with that to conclude an awkward conversation with your unit chief, you hung up the phone.

"what was that about?" spencer was waiting and listening intently, trying to hear.

"just hotch, he says hi by the way, but he wants to meet with me early tomorrow. i'm nervous what if he fires me?"

"don't worry about it ditch i'm sure he just wants to make sure you're doing alright after the whole poisoning thing. it's a lot for a media liaison to go through."

"yeah you're probably right." you looked up at him with the biggest puppy-dog eyes you could make, he knew what you were implying.

"you still want a good luck hug?"

"well if you insist."

he wraps you up in his embrace, nuzzling his nose into your hair, you doing the same into his chest, breathing in his musky scent of coffee, peppermint, and old books.

~

gawdahm idk why this chapter was so hard to write- my brain function doesn't exist anymore apparently :| 

i got an urge to write smut earlier today and i'm hoping that lasts until the end of the week cause i have sumfing planned

anyways yep goodnight ly

-sylvie

*bring me a little water nowwwww bring me a little waaaaaaterr sylivieeeeeeee*

10.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ  
~  
(AN the way no one comments shit anymore 😐 but i'm still gonna keep writing cause quitters are bitches and i'm doing this for my fun- and i'm in school rn but whaddadoo babey🧍♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️)  
~

your alarm goes off exactly an hour and 23 minutes earlier than it normally would, waking only you and not spencer.

he's sleeping soundly to the left of you, hugging a pillow and snoring softly.

you press a soft kiss on his head and move to get ready for your meeting with hotch.

you strip your pajamas and hop in the shower, alrighty boiling hot and steaming up the room. lathering your herbal shampoo in your hair and rinsing, then conditioning, letting it sit while you wash your body. you scrub your face with your palms and some facial cleanser, then proceed to rinse the conditioner from your hair, then go over your body once more, cleaning the gathered product from the dips in your body.

you wring your hair out, brushing through it then tying it up in a t-shirt. then go to moisturize your face and body, wrapping yourself in a towel and going to select and outfit for the day.

assuming this meeting is as you predict it will be, you decide to go more professional just for good luck.

you pick a dark brown almost black suit set, with your trademark mismatch socks, that only match with spencer's as well.

you pick a dark brown almost black suit set, with your trademark mismatch socks, that only match with spencer's as well  
fit^^^

you finish getting ready as you spritz some subtle perfume on, sliding on your shoes and grabbing your belongings.

you decide to just grab some coffee on the way there because you forgot to set the machine last night and it's too much of a hassle.

~  
the elevator door slides open, revealing an empty bullpen with a few stray workers. the light to hotch's office is on, so you drop your bag and things in your own before going to his and knocking on the door.

he invites you in, and you take a seat in on of the office chairs in front of his desk. he's seated with his hands clasped in front of him and he has a soft expression on his face- one you don't see very often.

"y/l/n, thanks for coming in, i hope it wasn't any trouble."

"oh no not at all, what did you want to discuss?" you hoped he couldn't tell how obviously nervous you were, but spencer has always told you that your microexpressions are always a dead giveaway.

"right. first off i wanted to apologize as your boss and as a friend for putting you in such a situation that ended up with yours and spencer's health impaired, that was never my intention and i should have known better." you break eye contact and scan the room, nodding, avoiding talking.

"however, i'm beyond impressed with how you handle the situation. even though you are strictly a media liaison -though less strictly now- your skills in the field and your limited profiling abilities are undeniably true with a lot of potential. and i was hoping, if you were willing, that you'd consider possibly completing the training and such to become a profiler. you'd be able to carry a gun and go out in the field whenever we do, so long as you pass your qualifications, and it's better pay, along with the title SSA y/n y/l/n."

your eyes widen in shock. if anything you thought going into the meeting you'd be fired, but this is just- wow.

"i don't expect an answer now, i'll give you until the end of the week, which gives you 3 days, but feel free to cut down on paperwork in the meantime."

you don't know what to say. this is the opportunity of a lifetime and he just basically handed it to you.

"y-yeah um- i'll definitely think about it. thank you so much aaro- sir. thank you sir. you have no idea how much this means."

you stand up to leave, patting down your thighs when hotch interrupts you.  
"and y/l/n-"

"yes sir?"

"i believe in you. as a friend, not just your boss- i think you have true potential, everyone sees it, especially spencer, so please, take this seriously."

you just not curtly and open the door.

~  
"pretty. girl." morgan approaches your desk and sits on the corner as you're trying to fill out paperwork from the last case.

"heard daddy called you in early, what for?"

at 'daddy' spencer's head perked up from the book his nose was buried in, sitting on the couch in your office.

"nothing happened derek don't be fucking gross. but i might um-" you looked over at spencer and decided to wait to tell the team before you consulted with him first.

"nevermind i'll tell you later. as much as i love you chocolate thunder we both wanna get out of here."

he jokingly slapped his own face, looking hurt, as he meandered back to the bullpen.

"oh yeah i forgot about your meeting with hotch, how'd that go?"

"um- he uhhhh wants me to become a profiler." you said the last part super quietly, hoping to calm a reaction from him.

"ARE YOU KIDDING Y/N THATS FUCKING AMAZING OH MY GOD!!!" he stood up, dropping the book on the floor and scooping you up, spinning you in a hug full of laughter.

(AN i'm writing this at lunch and i just got 𝓈𝓊𝓅ℯ𝓇 𝓈ℯ𝓁𝒻 𝒸ℴ𝓃𝓈𝒸𝒾ℴ𝓊𝓈 for no reason anyways just wanted to share)

he pulled away, keeping his hands on your forearms, "so are you gonna do it?!"

"it considering it, i mean SSA y/n y/l/n sounds pretty good to me, plus i'd get payed more and get to go in the field with you guys. it's a really good opportunity, i'm just worried i won't meet the qualifications."

"don't be fucking dumb ditch of course you'll pass them- plus emily and i and the rest of the team will be with you along the whole way."

his sincerity made you tear up but you had to hide it from him- he always claims he 'wins' when he makes you cry.

"ugh you know i love you right you fucking loser." you say playfully and push his shoulder.

"of course i know who wouldn't i'm the greatest." he fake flipped his hair, "but seriously you should tell the team, they'll all be super supportive. plus it'll be nice to have you around more on cases."

you nodded and took his hand after gathering your guys' belongings and leaving the building.

"hey do you wanna get dinner?" spencer asked with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other in your lap, while you traced the lines and played with it.

"yeah i can order it what sounds good?"

"uh-no that's not- i-i wanted to take you out." he looked over for a second then returned his gaze to the road.

you realized it made sense, you guys kissed a bunch and you haven't really talked about what you guys are after all that. what could it hurt?

"oh yeah, um- we can do that. did you have something planned or-"

"i may have planned something... i'll drop you off at your place and pick you up at like 8, wear something hot." uh okay.

he pulled into the lot of your apartment complex and stopped the car. "okay spencer see you tonight." you got out of the car and smiled at him, he waved back and drove away.

you checked the time, 6:27.

shit.  
i gotta figure out what i'm gonna wear.

coochie coochie coochie  
^^anyways

you decided on a simple sleeveless dark purple top, just covering your chest ending above your belly button. paired with a black pleated skirt that falls mid-thigh, with fishnets underneath. sexy but simple, and it fits your mixed aesthetic.

you pair that with plain black combat boots and a beige corduroy jacket (because it looks somewhat nice and it's all you could find).

applying light makeup, leaving your hair down, and checking the time again, it's 7:54. right on time.

checking your apartment one last time, you lock the door and go downstairs to meet spencer, who's pulling in just as you open the front door.

he's wearing a really dark green button down shirt and black pants. his sleeves rolled up and cuffed, three rings on his left hand, and two on the other with his signature switchblade necklace.

you noticed one of the rings on each hand was an anxiety ring, with beads that are used for people to fidget. good for spencer.

you open the car door and climb in, sitting down and buckling in, and spencer turns slightly to you and eyes you up and down.

"woah ditch you look amazing."

"i know shawty and so do you. who knew a loser like you could clean up so well."

he scoffed, shaking his head and reversing out of the parking lot.

"sooooo... where are you taking me?"

he gives you a sideye and a small grin appears on his lips. "you can say no, i won't mind i promise. but i come here sometimes and i thought you'd like to see it."

you start to get excited, "spencie are you saying you do things i don't know about? what ever could it be?" you remark sarcastically.

"i was thinking we could go here for maybe an hour, just see how it is, then we can go get food cause i actually am hungry."

"okay good. i'm not starving so cool, but c'mon where are we going?"

"i have kind of a weird question but it fits the context." by now we pulled into a long driveway with bushes lining all the way down, leading to a huge building that looks like a house.

"you can say no and i promise it's totally fine by me, but would you ever possibly tonight with me right now ever consider testing the waters of bdsm." he squeezed his eyes shut and held his head down, bracing for your reaction to that weird question.

you're caught off guard, but not totally freaked out. you were expecting worse.

"i mean- i've definitely thought about it and it seems cool i've always been sorta interested, so yeah why not." he wasn't expecting that.

"o-oh really? okay well um- here we are. we can just try a little tonight -nothing extreme- see if you like it, and then see where that goes. sound good? there are rules and stuff we should probably go over um- do you know the basics?"

"yeah i do, like safewords, aftercare, toys, basic stuff i think. colors work for now like green yellow red like a stoplight. and for emergencies maybe... nicole?"

spencer bursts out in laughter, "y/n who the fuck is nicole?"

"i don't know i'm bad under pressure?!" you're both having a fit now. "we can just do like magnet."

"magnet works. okay cool. and you're sure you want to do this with me? at least just this once?"

"of course loser who else would i do it with. now let's get going."

~

this isn't at ALL how this story was gonna go but oh well um- the bdsm thing won't be like a main plot point it'll just be like there yk um-

anyways yep lowkey kinda smut next chapter if i don't guilt myself into changing ideas again cause writing smut makes me feel like i'm committing a crime 😎👴🏼🌜

anyways yep pls read this love u  
-sylvie

11.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~CW very light bdsm content? (AN yall this isn't gonna last v long probs just this chapter so dw- and i know that irl spencer wouldn't take y/n to a club on their first time doing stuff like this- i just kinda threw it in for some reason- you can skip this chapter if you want, nothing super important happens in it and i'll do a recap on the next one)~

walking up to the mansion that surprisingly reminds you of rossi's house, you take spencer's hand in yours and approaching the door.

"okay so when we get in there, we can get some drinks and just chill, i'll show you the scene, introduce you and stuff, and don't be nervous. i'll be here the entire time with you, and if you want to go home, just say the word. which is..." spencer stops, expecting you to answer.

"coolio sounds easy enough, and magnet."

"good girl, oh and when we sit, you have to kneel in front of me in my chair, and only address me as 'sir' or 'master'." your jaw falls open.

"master? what am i a dog?" spencer's eyebrows raise in warning, "that was a joke, but sorry sir."

he nods, indicating you to keep walking, "good girl."

pussy talented it do cartwheels

y/n stop this is a one time thing.

spencer puts his hand on the small of your back and leads you to the door, flashing his ID and entering the mansion.

woah

there are at least a hundred people packed in here (pre-covid), it's not too loud but there's music playing. the environment is fresh, new to you, but something you could potentially get used to. everyone has a different style but manages to fit in perfectly.

spencer leads you to the bar, ordering himself a negroni, and you a simple martini. after receiving your drinks, he sits down at a short stool against the wall, and you kneel in front of him.

you flash your eyes up to his, asking a silent question to which you hope he knows the answer.

"yes y/n you can talk, but if anyone comes over just let me, so what's up?"

"this is degrading. and trust me, i like degradation-"

"noted" he smirks.

"shut up, -but this is a little much."

"i think complaining would earn you a strike, but since it's only been a half hour i'll let it slide. you don't hate it though do you?" he seems concerned and curious, unlike his foreign dominant persona.

"no i-it's just different, like seeing you act like this is kind of weird, but i could get used to it." it's partly truthful, you don't hate it, it's just weird doing this in front of all these people, and on your first time ever doing this.

"that makes sense, if you wanna stop anytime just tell me, no hard feelings, it's okay." just as spencer closed his mouth, a couple walked up to you.

the man in front was tall, wearing a clasped bracelet on his left hand that connected to a collar around a small woman's neck behind him. they were both really pretty, they looked fit for eachother. the girl kept her head down as the man started talking, and you copied her, trying your best to fit in. 

"good evening, i'm ryan, and this is violet," he motions to the woman, "you're a nice looking couple, would you mind joining us for a little scene, if you're interested that is. i'd love to share." he's talking to spencer and almost completely ignoring you.

spencer looks down at you quickly, gauging your reaction before responding, "hello, i'm spencer, this is y/n, thank you for your interest, but um- i'll have to decline, i'm just showing her the ropes today, but thank you." ryan nods, at you as well this time, then turns around to walk away.

you raise your head and spencer gives you a small smile, "do people do that a lot or...?"

"yeah, actually it's pretty common, partner sharing is actually one of the worlds most popular kinks. i guess people find more pleasure and excitement in switching up partners."

"it makes sense, i mean having the same dom or sub for a long time without change would get boring. like marriage." spencer chuckles. "speaking of THAT, how many subs have you had?"

"w-well, i'm not just a dom, i'm a switch-"

"wait wait wait spencer reid is a sub?" you interrupt him.

"-sometimes. i've had two subs and one dom. i don't absolutely hate being submissive, it's just not as pleasurable for me, but i'll do either." he looks shy and a little embarrassed now.

"i didn't mean to pry i just-"

"-no it's good that you know, i just haven't told anyone that. e-except for other partners of course, but it's different- sharing it with you i mean."

you bite your lip and nod slowly, not knowing how to fix this awkward conversation, luckily spencer does.

"so how are you liking it so far? or not or... whatever?"

you giggle at his reluctance, then something catches your eye.

"oh my god magnet dude we gotta go." spencer's eyes widen as he looks down at you, standing up and offering his hand to help you get up.

"what? what is it?" he's frantically looking around, of course he wouldn't know what to look for.

"my fucking sister is here- loser let's get the fuck outta here." you're both scream/whispering back and forth. you grasp his hand tighter and lead him out the door, trying your best not to make a scene.

once you get outside and make your way to spencer's car you lose it, doubling over laughing.

after a minute you compose yourself, "is it against some rules to like- bring it up to her?"

"it's not against any rules per say, it's just not that nice. but considering she's your sister, i'm sure she's done worse, so i say go for it."

most of the car ride is silent, except for the faint playing of the radio. spencer pulls into a small restaurant about fifteen minutes from your apartment, and parks the car.

you go to open the door and he stops you, opening it from the outside for you. spencer puts his hand in yours, leading you to the front entrance.

"uh- two, for reid." the host pulls out two menus, showing you both to a small booth in the back, where spencer can see the whole room. he likes to be able to survey the area at all times, just in case. it's relatively fancy, neither of you under- or overdressed. 

"so, spencer. you said no hard feelings if i didn't want to do that again..." you started, taking a sip from the glass of water in front of you.

"yeah of course, no problem. i just hope you didn't think that was too weird or out there." he's fidgeting.

"of course not, it was fun, and i might want to come back to it later, but for now, i think we should just stick with the norm. i think." you were never good at confrontation, or talking in general. you were always fine with spencer though, don't know why this time is any different.

you two eat in silence, the tension slowly fading throughout the night. by the time you finish, it's almost 10:30, and you're both ready to go to your respective homes.

spencer drops you off at your apartment, returning to his own. you take a shower, conditioning your hair and washing your face and body, before setting the coffee machine and climbing into bed, soon to be engulfed in the familiar feeling of slumber.

~

bye im so tired- and ive been throwing myselg pity parties cause im not getting attention like a TODDLER but i am one so c'est la vie-

idk where this weird fucking plotpoint came from i was just in class writing shit down- but it's over dont worry and its only gonna go downhill from here-

12.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~ TW alcohol/ mentions of substances~

RECAP spencer takes y/n to a bdsm club then dinner and they agree to never do that again lmao

today's monday, and unless there's a suprise case, just means more paperwork before the weekend. but today's the day you have to tell hotch your final decision. (ik i said something else for timing but just pretend i didnt)

you're going to complete the training to become a profiler. it sounds crazy when you say it out loud, hell you've been a media liaison for almost four years. but spencer has been by your side during all of it. 

no matter how low on the food chain you see yourself compared to the rest of the team, him and penelope make sure you never feel left out of anything.

and even though last night was kind of awkward, today's a new day.  
(you hope)

fingering through your hair, you decide on an outfit. consisting of a brown corduroy skirt with black nylons underneath; a plain black long sleeved shirt, and your doc martens. simple enough, but also nice for work.

you woke up a few minutes early, just to make sure you had enough time to talk to hotch before the clock starts. you pour a cup of coffee, grabbing your bag and jacket, then heading out the door to your car.

~

"come in."

(me?)  
get it LMAOOOO

you open the door to your boss' office and he's sitting there, looking in a folder. "oh y/n, you're here early."

you take a seat in the chair closest to the door, crossing your ankles and folding your hands in your lap, "yeah, um- i just wanted to speak to you about continuing the path to becoming a profiler, and an SSA. i decided i want to take you up on the offer, if you'll still have me."

"of course i would. if i can be honest here, i already talked to strauss and she has your name ready to be sent in to the head office for training. i know i shouldn't have gone ahead, but i knew you'd come to make the right choice." you both laugh.

"i'll have the details of when training resumes sent to you."

"sounds good, thank you sir." you go to leave but he stops you.

"and y/n, i'm proud of you. as your supervisor, and as a friend. as is strauss, i know you two are close, but you've done an exceptional job as liaison these past years. it's warming to see you moving up." saying that, he smiles, which isn't a sight you get to see often, but on the rare occasion does smile, you know he means it.

"thank you hotch, truly it means a lot." he nods, and you exit.

~eleven days later~

you check the clock: 5:26. four more minutes, then you can go home. you finished filing everything a half hour ago, as did everyone else. 

you see out the window that morgan's been passing time by throwing paper balls at spencer, him sometimes retaliating but missing. you've been spinning in your chair, alone in your office all day, snacking on hershey kisses that are almost in need of refilling.

you finish going through your email for the fifteenth time when emily and penelope stop in your doorway.

"drinks." penny starts.

"o'keefs." emily interjects.

"seven o'clock." penny adds again.

"be there." emily finishes.

"impressive, did you guys have a dance routine to go along with that or is that all?" you joke with them and start heading down to the bullpen. "is spencer going?"

"wouldn't YOU like to know sweet cheeks." penelope is insistent that you and spencer have been hiding a 'secret relationship' for years, but has yet to prove it. because there's nothing TO prove.

"yes, actually i would like to know if my best friend is attending tonight's shenanigans. come one even hotch is going." you raise your voice at the last part and ruffle spencer's hair, sitting on the edge of his desk.

"yeah sure sounds like fun." everyone turns to look at him. "what?"

"spencer reid? willingly going out for drinks? someone pinch me." 

"i can be fun! i can be SO fun!"

"okay then prove it. get drunk tonight. it's friday, what's stopping you?" you're determined to get this man wasted. although he's been wary of substances since last year, you'll make sure to watch over him. 

"okay here's my proposition. i won't drink, except for a little -because training starts tomorrow- i'll make sure you don't do anything you'll regret, and i'll be your designated driver. how's that?" hotch scheduled training for weekend, granted there aren't cases, because it worked better for everyone's schedules.

"okay fine. but hotch has to drink too."

hotch peers out of his office, "deal. haley said her and jessica can watch jack so i'm all in."

oh fuck yeah.

~

"GO PIPECLEANER GO!" the whole team cheered as spencer downed four shots in a row. his hair tousled and his cheeks flushed. you still haven't touched any alcohol tonight, staying alert in case anything happens to spencer.

the rest of the team was on the verge of being drunk, not quite there yet. besides spencer of course. his tolerance is ass, so he's already pretty wasted.

in about twenty minutes, everyone else isn't far behind, including you. you've had just enough to where your guard is down, but you can still drive and form coherent sentences. 

"oh. my. GOD. you know what we should do???? truth or fucking dare. or spin the bottle. fuck, jj you pick." penelope spins around, pointing fingers at jj, who's standing behind emily, seated in her chair, with her arms around her neck.

"i think truth or dare is better, more variety." you've never seen jj this drunk, but she's really fun to hang out with. everyone is. even hotch and rossi are fooling around, cracking jokes and joining in.

"okay okay emily first. emily truth or dare?" penny points at the raven haired woman.

"um, i don't know if that's even a question. dare obviously."

"i dare you tooooooooo- kiss derek!"

"like that's even anything! get over here chocolate thunder." she wraps her hands around his head and he grabs her waist, and they basically devour eachothers faces for at least seven seconds.

"okay y/n your turn, you're being too quiet, truth or dare?" emily picks on you, and the others agree.

you glance at spencer, who's seated at the booth, legs folded, listening intently. "um- dare i guess?"

"OH WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! penelope goes over to emily, whispering something in her ear, to which she laughs out loud.

"oh my god that's amazing. y/n make out with hotch." 

~

d r a m a 

anyway yeah so reader x hotch fic?? 

13.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

"y/n, make out with hotch."

~

aaron looks over, blushing, and your jaw falls open.

"isn't that illegal or something, against some code?" you try to make any excuse.

"technically not, but if you don't want to you don't HAVE to." aaron's not making this any easier by taking their side. it's not the worst thing you'd have to do, i mean hotch is definitely hot, but he's your boss.

oh well it's not like anyone will remember it. 

you both shrug, then you walk toward him, pushing him against the nearest seat, straddling his hips, as he hold under your ass to help you. you entwine your fingers in his hair, pulling his face to yours and kissing him. hard.

the girls and morgan cheer, and spencer and david stand there, mouths agape. david's in suprise, spencer's in envy.

you continue THAT for a minute, or more like fifteen seconds, either way it was too long for spencer's liking.

that should be HIM. not fucking hotch.

rage burns through spencer, but being in the god damn fbi, he learns how to hide his emotions.

you climb off hotch, fixing your lipstick and pulling your skirt back down and walking over to spencer to sit down.

a half hour later and you've kissed jj and emily twice, and morgan once, and hotch again. you and spencer have stopped drinking, but you're both still pretty out of it.

once things die down a little, spencer leans over to you, "hey can we go home, i'm really tired." he knows he's faking it, he's fucking pissed, but you don't need to know that.

"yeah of course, let me go to the bathroom first."

when you get back, spencer's all ready to go, coats in hand and he already called an uber. you wave goodbye to everyone and get to the car, climbing in and turning on the first playlist you find on your earbuds, handing one to spencer.

everything's fine as far as you can tell, until you get inside your apartment and close the door, and everything comes out.

"what the fuck was that y/n?", spencer turns around to face you, hands on the counter.

"what are you talking about? the truth or dare?"

"yeah what fucking else? you go off mouth fucking hotch and act like it was nothing?" you don't understand why he's so mad, yeah you two kissed a couple times, and there's some unresolved tension, but you thought you were past that.

"oh sorry then, am i not allowed to have fun with my friends?"

"i never said THAT, it's just not that hard to see when your actions are affecting other people." he's almost screaming now.

"fuck spencer i'm not a fucking profiler, if you have something to say just fucking spit it out already."

"you don't have to be a profiler to see that i obviously fucking like you!"

wait

"yeah no shit spencer i fucking like you too! it was just fucking truth or dare and everyone's drunk it doesn't MEAN anything."

"no y/n you don't get it! i think i'm almost fucking in love with you, and you obviously don't care, or you do and you're just a fucked up person!" what the hell.

"no spencer i do fucking get it, because i'm almost in fucking love with you too! you don't think that every night for almost the past year i've tried to convince myself it's all in my head, and that you could never feel the same because we've been friends for so long? you don't think that i lay awake at night in YOUR bed, wondering what it would be like if things were just a LITTLE bit different? but no, i'm the one who doesn't care about other people's feelings." 

you know it's wrong to be this angry at him, when he's so drunk and clearly not thinking straight, but you get a sense of comfort in being able to say all this shit knowing he won't remember. 

and if he does, you can just come back to it later, when you're both sober enough to comprehend the words being thrown around.

"y/n that's not- i didn't-"

"no i get it, really i do. let's just go to sleep. we've both had long days, and you're wasted, so let's just quit while we're ahead. it's fine." 

you go to the small closet by the bathroom to grab a few blankets and pillows for the couch you'll be sleeping on.

spencer just stood still, "what are you doing?"

"making a bed, what does it look like?"

"y/n no you're not sleeping on the couch, this is your apartment, i'll take it."

"no spencer, really it's fine, just take my bed."

he just sighed, then went to your room, leaving you in the living area. you layed a blanket down, and sat on top of it. then you put two more on top of you and a pillow under your head, and drifted off to sleep, not worrying about spencer.

~

sry this one's rly short it was just a little spicey fight filler thing idek but we're getting into it now 

peace

-sylvie

14.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~TW mentions of pain killers~

~ spencer's pov ~

when i wake up for the first time, it's to the sound of the shower turning off at around seven, quickly after, y/n walks out in a towel.

the bathroom is connected to her bedroom, and normally i wouldn't be in her bed, and she thinks i'm sleeping.

she picks out her outfit for training today, it's a hoodie and sweatpants, because today is physical stuff.

fuck my head.

i guess i had fallen back asleep, because when i woke up, the sun was shining through the curtains right in my face. the clock read 11:03.

jesus.

i climbed out of bed, heading to the bathroom. i winced at my reflection, my hair's a mess and my clothes are all twisted.

i dug through y/n's medicine cabinet to find some aspirin. i only take aspirin -or any pain medication for that matter- when it's extremely necessary, and this morning's hangover is one of those times.

i take the aspirin with a cup of coffee from the machine, and sit down at the counter. there's a note.

loser,

i'm sorry about last night, and i pinky promise i'm not in love with hotch.

i meant what i said though, and i hope you did too, if you even remember.

i'll be back around 5, might run to the store after training, text me what sounds good for dinner, assuming you'll stay.

love u bunches,

y/n

how shitty of a person i feel, cause i don't remember what we talked about last night. i just remember shots, kissing and yelling.

hoping to wash this draining feeling from me, i hop in the shower, turning on the waterproof bluetooth speaker inside, and playing my mix of classical music.

the hot water, herbal soaps and music quickly soothing me. i stand under the stream of hot water for what feels like hours, but was only twenty minutes.

i step out, already feeling so much better, then continue to dry off. i pick out an outfit from my side of the wardrobe, picking simple black sweatpants, some boxers, and an old pumpkin t-shirt.

i feel bad about whatever i said or did last night- even though i don't recall exactly what it was- but i hope to make it up to y/n, so i made a to-do list.

to do:

\- change sheets  
-wipe down bathroom  
-vacuum rooms  
-dishes  
-laundry  
-organize bookshelves  
-tidy up

i figure coming home to a messy apartment and having to make dinner after a long day of exhausting training is the last thing y/n wants to do, so i set to work.

i'm almost positive if i told her of my plans, she'd disagree, insisting she clean it herself, not wanting to put me out of my way- but i don't have anything else to do, and she deserves it after all she's done for me.

starting with the sheets, i strip the bed, piling the discarded materials in the hamper, and reapplying fresh ones. they're a light purple color with matching pillowcases.

i take the hamper full of dirty clothes and sheets and throw them in the wash, setting a timer and moving on to the next task.

sheets and laundry- done.

as i continue cleaning, i get wrapped up in my thoughts.

i know i love y/n, at least i know i'm going to. soon. but how the fuck do i tell her?

unless i already did... was she drunk too last night? so would she remember?

i mean who wouldn't love her. i'm sure there are people lined up who want to be with her, so what am i?

spencer stop it, you're literally her best friend.

yeah best friend. how do i know if she even wants anything else?

you don't. that's the fun part.

oh yeah sounds amazing.

wait what day is it? saturday. right? yeah.

i'm pulled out my thoughts and daydreams by the ringing of my cell phone in my pocket.

it's rossi.

(AN **pulls out english to italian translator**)

"buona sera il mio genio preferito!"

"h-hey david, how are you?"

"i'm fantastico, come va?"

"i'm doing alright, just cleaning up a bit, why'd you call?"

"just wanted to see if il mio genio preferito and his amante wanted to join the rest of the team at my mansion for a late pasta dinner and wine at say, nine tonight?"

"yeah of course, that sounds like fun, i'll call y/n. thanks david"

"of course il mio, ciao."

after he hangs up, i notice the time. 6:27. holy shit have i been cleaning for four hours? at least y/n's apartment is almost spotless.

y/n. she should be home by now.

where is she?

i pull my phone back out and click on her number while it rings on the other end. no response.

i try that for another few minutes and she still doesn't pick up. i start to worry.

out of options, i grab my keys and my coat, slipping on some house shoes and speeding downstairs to my car, which is left here from earlier this week.

i drive to the academy and see her car. i get out to check and she's not in there.

i go inside and ask the secretary, flashing her my badge, "have you seen SA y/n y/l/n she had training from nine to four today."

"no, sorry sir, she left a while ago."

i run back outside and then i see it.

her phone.

on the ground by her car.

i pick it up, stuffing it in my pocket before getting back in my car, driving to headquarters and calling hotch.

"aaron hotchner?"

"hotch it's spencer, s-she's gone, y/n she's not here she's not anywhere we have to find her."

"woah reid calm down, i'm sure everything is fine, just let me call everyone and meet us at work. are you okay?"

"y-yeah i'm fine why wouldn't i be? i just gotta find her."

"i know kid, we will don't worry."

don't worry.  
don't worry.  
don't worry.

~

dun dun dunnnnnnn here we are folks the shitty what's it called uhhh CLIMAX

-sylvie

15.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ  
^^little bear things to lighten the mood of this chapter

~ TW knives, kidnapping, cutting, drugs ~

reader's pov

you wake up and survey your surroundings. or at least you try to, if your head would stop spinning.

okay y/n don't panic, what's the last thing you remember.

um- i woke up from the couch, got dressed, made coffee, left it for spencer with a note, took an uber to go pick up my car from the bar, then i was going to training, i went in at like 8:30, i was there until 4, i got back in my car to go home. wait- no i was going to my car, but i didn't start driving, FUCK i don't remember, but now i'm here.

try to look around, get an idea of where you are.

okay um- concrete EVERYTHING, metal chair, rope, i'm- i'm bleeding, fuck, my head hurts, but i think that's it. i must've been injected with something, i-i feel like i was.

y/n focus on your surroundings.

uh- the air is musty, but it smells fresh, like water? maybe the ocean or a lake or something? it's cold- so we must be still by virginia, i-i don't know, i'm so fucking tired.

"well, well, well look who's finally up. guess i should've figured out how much GHB to give you, but i thought 'oh well if it kills you it kills you.' but it didn't so here we are." it's a woman's voice, one you swear you've never heard before.

GHB? a date rape drug. great.

"what do you want?"

"isn't it obvious?" she steps into the light, revealing the girl from the club, ryan's sub.

"everyone always told me 'violet you got the goods, ryan is so hot and i'm sure he's great in bed' well guess fucking what?! he's not. yeah sure he's a hunk, but the man can't give me ANYTHING! but you know who could? spencer. but noooo little miss y/n y/l/n gets the perfect man and leaves me with NOTHING."

she's doing all of this because of SPENCER? girl tinder is free come on-

"then why couldn't you just take him instead? why did you need me?" you didn't mean for it to sound like you're throwing spencer under the bus- you just genuinely wanted to know.

"because you dumb little prick, if i get rid of my main competition then i can have him."

"you think you're not gonna get caught before that happens?"

"oh come on you really believe they'll notice that you're missing? the scrawny little media liaison in training? please that's pathetic even for you."

who the fuck does this girl think she is?

"either way, it doesn't matter. you'll be dead before they find you, and then spencer will be with me, and your puny little team won't have any idea." she approached you, flicking open a small knife she pulled from her pocket, crouching down on your left side.

"this'll hurt a lot, but i don't care. so this is how this is gonna work: i'll ask the questions, and you'll tell me everything you know about your dom, and i'll cut you."

"don't you mean OR you'll cut me? cause that makes no sense."

"no. don't fucking tell me what i mean. and I'M the one asking the fucking questions. i'm gonna cut you, while you answer my questions. that's it."

"oh goody is that all?"

"don't be smart with me." she drags the knife across your cheek, drawing blood. "first question for miss y/l/n, what's pretty boy's favorite color?"

"purple." this time she slices open the leg of your sweatpants, cutting right above your knee, making you bleed more.

"good girl, i bet you like that don't you, you kinky little slut. second question: where would spencer go if he could go ANYWHERE in the world?"

"greece."

"why?"

"the architecture and the historical details that you can see just walking down the street."

"what a nerd. see i think vacations are overrated. i think we have everything we could possibly need, right here in baltimore. oh, shit i guess i just told you where we are. oh well! it's not like you'll make it out alive to tell anyone. though that does give me an idea."

~

spencer's pov

"hotch you don't get it, i HAVE to stay on this case."

i've spent all morning arguing with hotch as to why i shouldn't be kicked off, but apparently i'm 'too close' to it and my behavior has been 'unruly', which is bullshit. y/n works here, we're all too close.

"no, reid, you're off the case, and that's final. now go do some paperwork, or help garcia or something, just, take some time, calm down."

i just huffed and walked away. to garcia's batcave i go.

"hey sweets how you holding up?" she spun in her chair to look at me.

"god why does everyone keep asking me that? i'm fine." fuck i just yelled at penelope: the sweetest person i know. "i'm sorry penny, i didn't mean it."

"no it's okay babes i get it, you're stressed, we all are. here i'll go make us some tea." just as she was standing up, something flashed on the eight monitors she has, the same image on all of them. y/n.

"HOTCH! guys come look at this." the rest of the team filed in to see, while garcia worked on trying to get a tracking signal.

it was y/n. she's sitting in a metal chair, in a room that looks to be in a basement. her clothes are cut -the ones she wore to the academy this morning- and she's bleeding. there's another woman in there with her. the one from the club.

fuck. i knew it was a bad idea to take her there.

then we hear talking.

"next question, what's his favorite book?" she's asking y/n questions.

"spencer doesn't have a favorite book."

true.

"oh come on we both know that's a lie, all he does is read. there has to be ONE he loves more than the rest." she cuts down the outside of her calf, almost to her ankle.

"no. he doesn't believe books can be ranked in favorites, and he enjoys everything he reads. he's never read a book he didn't love."

"hmm," she cuts up her shirt to her sleeve, cutting her sports bra into her rib, "boring. what are his parents' names? tell me about his family. good conversation."

"his dad's name is... robert, and his mom's is wanda. they used to be steelworkers, but now they're bakers. they have two dogs, ace and crystal." y/n spits out, looking directly into the camera and nodding.

"reid aren't your parents' names diana and william? and you don't have a dog." morgan asks me.

i've heard those names before, or read them, but i don't remember where. i stand with them, thinking for a minute, then i remember.

"oh my god, 'red baker'." i mumble.

"what the hell is that?"

"uh-it's uh a book, 'red baker by robert ward'. a man named red baker is a steelworker in baltimore, his wife's name is wanda and he has a son named ace and a friend named crystal, it's y/n trying to tell us something. she's in baltimore."

"woah."

"garcia does that help at all?"

"yes it does buttercup i'll have a location in a sec i just need to- bam, there got it. 2100 frankfurst ave, coming from 'vane brothers marine safety'.

"okay, prentiss, morgan, jj take an suv and meet us there, reid, dave come with me. reid i know i kicked you, but we need you here." i nod and head to the equipment room to get suited up, then we're on our way.

~

holy smokes- um chile anyways welcome to the showdown- the amount of RESEARCH i did for this chapter is astounding, i did more work on this than i have this entire semester for school.

16.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~ TW violence - guns - hospitals - mentions of drugs - sh ~

spencer's pov

the ride to the marina is silent. an hour and twenty minutes in the car with hotch and rossi while everyone's on edge and angry isn't exactly ideal. i just want to see y/n, if she's okay.

when we arrive, jj, emily and morgan are already parked and set outside the only building that fit the description. we get out, arm ourselves, and set with them.

after a minute of lurking, we hear talking coming from inside. more of incomprehensible whimpering. 

y/n whimpering. fuck we have to get in there.

on hotch's signal, emily and i head toward the only door, and when we hear violet start talking again, prentiss bursts through the door, with me following. 

the rest of the team files in, guns drawn, to see violet standing behind you, with a small blade to your throat, and something else in her grasp. 

your body is scattered in more cuts than before, and you top is all the way off, discarded on the floor, left in a sports bra. your eye is black and your mouth is bleeding.

"oh, come so soon to ruin the party?" she taunts us.

"what do you want from her?" hotch tries to negotiate.

"why don't you tell them y/n, tell them what you and boy wonder have been up to." she tightens the knife against you, and that's when i see what else she has.

a full syringe. 

you flinch and we make eye contact. i nod at you to continue, not caring at all what the team hears or assumes. 

"she wants spencer. she saw us together at a cl- out. a few weeks ago and she's jealous." i'm almost relieved you didn't tell them everything, but it could cost us.

"then take me." i step forward, lowering my weapon. "if i'm who you want, you don't have to hurt her anymore."

(AN mf always doin that huh)

"spencer don't." you warn me but i couldn't care less.

"i must say i'm tempted. but i'm not stupid." violet drops the blade, plunging the syringe into your neck.

morgan shoots, and she falls to the ground, clutching her shoulder.

ignoring what's going on around me, i run over to you as you fall unconscious. everything moves in slow motion as medics flood the room, putting you on a gurney and wheeling you out to the hospital.

jj comes over to me, helping me stand and we walk out to the suv's together. the team follows, everyone going to their respected vehicles and putting in directions to the hospital you're being sent to.

it sounds cliche as hell, but when you fell to the floor my whole world stopped, and i still can't feel anything. it doesn't seem real. like i'm standing behind a glass wall, not in control of the body i posses, watching it do all these things that i can't grasp.

~

reader's pov

waking up with the same feeling as you did before, the lights are blinding, the smell is sterile yet stale, bustling noises and small beeping at the rate of your heart, the feeling of someone's hand in yours.

you give their hand a small squeeze, to let them know you're awake, and they jolts upright.

"l-lig-" you start to mumble

"the lights," she finishes, and lets go of your hand, standing up to turn off the lights.

penelope.

as your eyes adjust, you start to sit upright, only to be stopped by throbbing pain- basically everywhere.

"ow fuck. hey pen," instead, you just roll over a bit to see her better. emily's there too. "where's spencer?"

"oh of course, baby we were so worried the doctors said you'd be fine even though you had so much GHB- enough for like a fucking hippo- but it's nothing too bad, just scratches and oh my gosh y/n i'm just so glad you're okay." she rambles. most of what penny says is a run on sentence all the time, but you're just glad to hear someone's voice other than violets. 

you giggle at her sincerity and emily cuts in, "spencer's outside, he didn't like seeing you like this, but i can go get him. come on pg." penelope gives your hand a small squeeze and they leave.

then the tall lanky genius ambles in, giving you a weary smile. the signature no-lipped reid smile.

"hey ditch, how you holding up?" he sits in the chair penelope was in, and leans with his elbows on his knees.

"could be better, i look like a cutting board but eh, flashbacks to high school," you let out a tired laugh, coping with humor. "how are you doing?" you meet his tear brimmed eyes and he glances away at the floor.

"y/n you're the one who was kidnapped, but i'm fine, we were all worried i-i just uh, i don't know what got into me. like we've both been in trouble before but this time made it all seem more... real i guess." his voice quivers and he looks back at you, allowing some tears to fall.

you reach over and wipe them away, mustering the strength to sit up, as your eyes well up. "don't cry spencer, only losers cry."

"but you're crying too y/n."

"i never said i wasn't a loser." you both laugh, shorter but harder than you have in a while. "spence can we um- talk?"

"of course bubs, what's up?" he shifts so you're fully facing eachother. "oh and i almost forgot, rossi invited us for dinner the night you were taken, but rescheduled, obviously- so tonight. if you're up for it."

"cool, sounds like fun, and nevermind, we can talk after um- dinner." he nods, leading to a minute of awkward silence.

"uh- the doctors, they said you can leave whenever you're ready. you've been asleep for awhile so the GHB wore off already and you're safe from side effects. um- all the cuts are minor, even though there's a lot," he tries not to look at them, and you do the same. 

"can we go like- now. i've been conscious less than an hour and i'm sick of hospitals."

"yeah of course, let me go get hotch first." he excuses himself and you settle back into the stiff bed. 

~

you're back in your apartment now. alone. dinner's in a few hours and spencer will pick you up at 8:30, which gives you time to shower, get rid of the smell of abduction and hospitals.

before you disrobe, you grab stray, small blankets from around your apartment, to cover the mirrors in your bedroom and bathroom, not wanting to have to see more of what violet did to you than you have to.

once that's finished, you brush your hair and shower slowly, savoring every second of the heat, stinging the scabbed cuts on your skin.

immersed in the herbal scented steam, you plan out how you're going to talk to spencer. you both basically already admitted your love for eachother, but through the influence of alcohol, so it couldn't have meant much.

time to restart:

~

fuck i should be sleeping we got school tomorrow

rant- my dads on my ass constantly cause he's a teacher and i'm doing rly bad in school and its affecting him somehow even tho i'm not even in his class??? 

anyways yeah and holy shit my tiktok got attention so howdy to everyone that's new- pls comment cause i need validation <3

love yall

-sylvie 

17.  
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ  
~

it's 8:25, you're waiting for spencer, sitting on your couch, reading a random book you pulled off one of your many shelves of spencer's books that he keeps at your apartment.

you decided on wearing a black cocktail dress, with mesh over line. it falls mid-thigh and shows off a little bit of your chest. pairing that with simple black heels, natural makeup and your hair in a half-up half-down style.

you use lotion, bandaids and tights that match your skin color to cover some of the cuts on your legs, and it works for the most part.

though you don't feel a huge need to cover them, it's just the team after all.

your phone buzzes.

spencie 💜🥡🥢

s: hey ditch i'm parked outside.

y/n: coolio be out in a sex.

y/n: **sec fuck

s: 😂😂

you throw on a jean jacket and grab your purse, double checking the locked door and heading outside.

reid doesn't drive often, being a genius, he knows way too many facts about car related injuries to drive with a good conscious.

you hear the clicking of the doors of his mint volvo unlocking as you climb inside, buckling your seatbelt and setting your small purse on the dashboard.

your phone automatically connects to his bluetooth plug-in attachment and you shuffle some random playlist emily made you.

the ride to rossi's isn't awkward per say, but the tension only keeps rising as you near your destination, knowing what has to happen after.

to pass the time of the excruciating discomfort, you recite in your head the things you planned to say. revising bullet points and main points like a highschooler getting ready for a presentation. 

you don't know why you're so nervous, it's just spencer. 

exactly. spencer. 

~

pulling into the fern lined long driveway leading to rossi's mansion, you disconnect your phone and put your jacket back on.

when you step inside, you're greeted by the delicious smell of david's cooking and soft cheers from your friends, celebrating the destination of the two babies of the team.

penelope and jj offer hugs, rossi doing the classic italian kisses on each cheek, and the rest just acknowledge your presence with small waves.

dinner goes well, david serves homemade rigatoni with a vodka sauce, and you all eat with comfortable chatter in between bites.

the unspoken tension between you and spencer however was obvious. especially in a room full of profilers. you were both itching with anticipation for how your 'talk' after dinner is going to go.

spencer bouncing his leg and tapping his fork in between fingers. you picking at any skin you can find and biting the insides of your cheeks.

in the meantime, hotch reveals that haley and himself are separating. he wouldn't go into detail, but everyone already knows why.

she couldn't handle the way his job functioned, and apparently her needs weren't being met so she sought out someone else to fulfill them.

when dinner was finished, you offered to help with dishes, wanting to continue your good impression on your older coworkers.

you pick up a few plates and start to clean them when you hear heels clacking quickly against the marble floors.

looking over to see they're bright green, "hey pen what's up?"

"don't 'what's up' me i should be asking YOU that. what's up with you and spencer i could cut through all that tension with a knife. whether it's sexual tension or not i have yet to find out but come with me missy because i REFUSE to be left in the dark any longer." you set the dishes down, wiping your hands off and she grabs your hand, pulling you to the bathroom down the hall.

she shoves you in the huge bathroom, locking the doors behind her as she joins you.  
"okay spill." she crossed her arms and leans up against the sink counter.

"there's nothing to spill. well- that's a lie actually. but i don't know where to start i mean we've been best friends for like EVER and now we're realizing that it's more than that? i don't know penny when we were drunk a few weeks ago we both basically said: and i quote, "i'm almost in fucking love with you". but i don't think he remembers which seems to be a pattern because that bitch has ZERO alcohol tolerance and we're supposed to talk about it later after dinner and i don't know what to do cause whenever we try to talk about it we push eachother away then it's all 'no stay' it's fucking ridiculous and i need your help." you're out of breath now.

penelope just laughs. and laughs and laughs and laughs. "oh my god congratulations y/n you're officially the LAST person in the fbi to know that you're in love with spencer."

"are you fucking serious? like hotch and rossi too?"

"yeah even hotch and rossi. they were betting too, emily owes me twenty bucks."

"wait wait wait you guys were BETTING on me and spencer?"

"yeah duh we all knew it would happen EVENTUALLY. there are bets on emily and jj too, and hotch and emily, and you and emily, emily has a lot going on wow i've never sat back to look at it."

you're dumbfounded.

there's literally nothing else to say to her, so you just unlock the door to rejoin the group.

they're playing charades, cards scattered on the rug and spencer is standing in front of everyone doing god knows what.

he's not doing anything incorrectly if no one knows what he's doing.

~

dinner went by way too quickly, and now you're in the car with spencer again. you're both having the same nervous tics you've had all night, and as you get closer to your apartment it only gets worse.

spencer pulls the car into the small driveway, carefully avoiding the curb. when he parks, you idle your way to your door, wanting to freeze time and never have to speak to him.

is spencer even worried about talking ,or was it something else on his mind? 

i'm totally overreacting, why the fuck is this so hard?

next thing you know, your hand is putting the key in the door and turning the lock, granting access to your cluttered apartment.

as soon as the door shuts his hands are on you. on the side of your face, kissing you passionately. your hands work to take off his jacket, and his to yours. 

your arms wrap around his neck and he lifts you from under your hips, not breaking contact. your legs straddle his waist as he carries you down the hall to your room. there are clothes and miscellaneous things scattered everywhere, but neither of you care.

he walks over to the bed, dropping you on your back and you bounce back up. you start to unbutton his shirt but stop yourself.

"wait wait wait we said we'd talk tonight." great job y/n, bringing it back right where you didn't want it.

"fuck you're right," he sits down next to you, criss-cross applesauce (i'm a child bye)

"okay you go first. what's on your mind."

~

im not gonna say any words. zero words just thoughts. :|

this chapter seems really short idk my bad- the next couple probably will be too oops

anyways yeah so i'm gonna be writing smut for the first time soon (idk if it'll be 18 or 19 just bear (bare mf whatever) with me thru this

also my dm's are open if any other authors wanna give me tips on how to write it cause i feel like im sinning but i'm literally an atheist it just feels so wrong- 

but yeah um stay tuned for this evening :O

-sylvie <3

19.

~ warning- smut sum else ig we'll see ~

(AN i'm gonna get flamed 🚘🚶♀️and im gonna be making fun of myself thru the entire thing- also we dont have a daddy kink do we?? asking for a friend)  
the vibe in the room shifted in an instant, and your hands are on eachother again.

spencer has both of his hands on the sides of your face, fingers in your hair. your hands are holding the back of his arms.  
but it's not enough.

he pushes, your knees hitting the corner of the bed and you fall back. spencer climbs onto the bed, hovering over you. his lips move from your lips, to your neck. you bring your hands to the hem of your dress, struggling to pull it off. you give up and just sit up to unzip it and remove the sleek piece of clothing- that until now- was your favorite dress.

spencer trails his mouth across your chest, kissing up and over every bump and curve of your chest. he reaches behind you and unclips your bra with one hand, keeping the other up by your head, propping himself up.

spencer kisses down the valley of your breasts (ew lmao) until he reaches the top of your lingerie. he stops kissing you to meet your eyes, asking for permission.  
you nod, "keep going," and he does. your back arches in desperation to be touched by him. he hooks his finger under the waist line and pulls your panties (EW) down and drops them off the side of the bed.

you felt exposed and vulnerable, being almost completely naked, while spencer is still fully clothed. to make it even, you start to unbutton his shirt. he catches the memo and continues to undress himself quickly, leaving himself in just his boxers.

when he's done, he immediately reconnects your lips, moving them together with a purpose, but it still wasn't enough.

"spencer," you break the kiss, you both breathing heavily.

"what's up princess?"

"i want you. i wanna be yours. right now."

"are you sure?" you nod, "is there-"

"nope, i have the nexaplanon thing and i'm clean."

"so am i," he gets up, removing his boxers, leaving him naked. spencer lowered himself down on you, leveling his dick at your entrance (jesus).

then, your entire relationship is changed forever.

no turning back.

at the moment he thrusted into you, his lips collided with yours, muffling the surprised moan that built inside.

(AN AFSJFJAGFJAKUSHFKSA im struggling)

both of your movements were sloppy, but it was pleasurable.

for a few moments, you kept eye contact and the knot in the pit of your stomach was close to exploding.

then the words came out before you could analyze them. "spencer, choke me."

he hesitated, then brought his right hand up to your throat, pressing on the sides, not enough to cut off your breathing, just enough to make your head fuzzy.

your eyes roll back and spencer suddenly stops. he removes his hand from your neck and pulls out.

"did i fucking say you could stop looking at me? watch my eyes, slut, make sure you know who you belong to."

(AN i'm fucking dying here WHEW)

you look back into his dusky eyes, fully submissive to him- which is a completely new side of spencer you've never seen before. but you like it.

with one hand around your jugular (LMAOO), the other snaked your body to your clit, working it instantly as his gold necklace swung in your face.

you squirmed in astonishment at how easily he found it, and with the lack of air and overstimulation at your core (mf), you came closer and closer to release. when it was finally there, you closed your eyes on impulse, and it all went away.

spencer moved his left hand from your throat to hold himself up on the bed, and his right left your clit and came up in front of you, striking your left cheek. 

"what part about eye contact don't you understand? open." his eyes flickered down and you opened your mouth, gazing up at him with the most innocent look you could muster.

he met your eyes again, smirking at you and spitting in your mouth. sealing it with a kiss and forcing you to swallow, he continued his attack on you. 

(AN im gonna rob yall and quit while im ahead because this is literally so difficult so lets call in a ~time jump~)

you could already feel the soreness settling in between your legs as you tried to stand up to go pee. spencer stopped you and ran to the bathroom, bringing a warm, damp washcloth to clean up a little.

when he finished, he picked you up, bridal style and carried you to the bathroom, setting you down and leaving to give you some privacy. 

you peed, washed your hands and studied your reflection in the mirror. your mascara was gathered under your eyes, and your hair was a mess, sticking out in every direction. the black band was still in it from your attempted hairstyle from dinner, except it was halfway out.

you did your best to fix yourself, smoothing your hair and wiping your under-eyes, you called it good.

you grabbed some plaid pajama pants, a black tanktop, some socks, and a towel and went to start the shower. as the water was heating up you went to find spencer.

he was sitting on your bed, back in his underwear and with his phone to his ear. you stood by him to listen in, and you heard the chipper sound of penelope garcia's voice.

"but doesn't strauss usually call in the cases to y/n?" spencer inquired to the tech analyst.

"yes she does dr. 187, but she called it to me this time because miss y/l/n isn't picking up her phone. do you know where she is? you're usually together." you look at him wide-eyed.

"y-yeah she's in the shower, when do you need us in?" 

"maybe an hour, hour and a half."

"okay thanks penelope, see you." he hangs up, and you go back to the bathroom to shower, spencer tailing behind you.

~

im so sorry it took so fucking long for me to update and this part is super short and kinda sucks too- 

its probs not a big deal to yall but writing smut is really hard for like how small of a part it is and i kept dragging it out and finding ANY excuse to not write it lmao

but yeah i should get back on track with writing and updating and happy valentines day omg- and my sister and i started watching glee and it shouldnt be as funny and entertaining as it is but now im hooked so thats great.

stay swaggy- keep commenting

-sylvie <3 

20.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~TW case description, talk of drugs, abortion~

(AN this is gonna be based off 4x17, there won't be a lot of reader x spencer and it's more focused on emily and there's gonna be a lot of dialogue and mostly boring case stuff my bad)

~

"morning guys, goodnight? morning? what time is it?" you're sitting at your desk, still damp from the pouring rain outside. spencer is sitting on the small couch next to you, and the rest of the team, excluding hotch and emily, are hanging out with you before hotch starts the briefing.

spencer looks at his watch, which is over his sleeve, "it's good morning as of six minutes ago. what's the case?"

"we're supposed to be going to nevada, i haven't really looked at the files yet." just then, emily and hotch stop in your doorway.

"change of plans guys, come to the conference room, it's urgent." emily's soaking wet, her makeup is running, and she looks sad. everyone follows them to the room at the end of the hall and sits down.

prentiss and morgan aren't there anymore, and hotch holds two files, spreading them out on the table.

"matthew benton, a um- friend of emily's. is dead. heart attack. she believes his death is connected to that man's. thomas valentine, died of dehydration."

"did emily know both of them, or just matthew?" rossi examines valentine's file.

"just matthew. benton seemed to believe someone was after both of them."

"if one died from a heart attack and the other was dehydration, what's the connection?" reid doesn't seem convinced.

hotch looks down, "i don't know if there is one. the police aren't investigating and as of right now, we're just helping out a colleague. for now, we talk to the families, see if there's anything suspicious."

jj inquires, "is emily okay?"

aaron sighs, "i don't know, that's why i sent morgan to the morgue with her. y/l/n, jj, why don't you come with me to talk to benton's family, y/n it can be part of your training. dave and reid, go to valentine's family. the rest of you, stay here and go over everything, try to find a connection."

"yes sir."

~ emily's pov ~

they lift the white sheet off of matthew's face, revealing his corpse. pale, lifeless. a chill runs down my spine as i look at the man who was once my best friend. although i haven't seen or spoken to him in years- i was one of the only people he truly trusted, and him to me.

i reach out and touch his hair, and i'm transported back to when i was fifteen. sitting on the edge of an examination table, in a hospital gown. matthew was right there with me the entire time.

i didn't necessarily want to terminate it. but i was fifteen after all, i didn't know what to do. the priest told me i wouldn't be able to step foot in the church if i did, and matthew was the only one who stayed by my side. the only one i could turn to.

the father didn't want anything to do with me, or it, and matthew was my best friend. he took me to a clinic, and helped me terminate it. after that, matthew started to question the bible and the teachings of the church. he turned down a hard road, started doing drugs. his parents blamed me, when he moved to the united states.

then i'm back with derek and the coroner, "is it possible someone could have induced the heart attack?"

"there would have been traces of something in his system, which i didn't find. there was however, damage to his septum, which indicates prolonged usage of cocaine and/or methamphetamine. and he was bleeding heavily from his nose."

"what about the other body, thomas valentine?" derek walks around to me, placing a comforting hand on my arm.

"he died from dehydration, there were traces of anti-psychotics in his system. i understand from his family, he had a history of mental illness." the coroner explains.

then i start thinking, "so you have two bodies with ligature marks that you just dismissed?"

"they were each superficial and there's no medical reason to connect these deaths."

she may have a point medically, but i'm still skeptical, and i can tell morgan is too. we thank the coroner and head back to headquarters in silence.

~ reader's pov ~

after discussing with each of the families, we're back at the round table. matthew's parents believe their son's soul was in the possession of evil, and valentine's mother is just glad that he's finally at peace.

benton's parents kicked us out when we mentioned emily's name, and she told us some half-assed excuse as to why, but i didn't want to pry.

there were scuff marks under the legs of both the beds, as if it had been tossed back and forth. that paired with the connection of soul and religion leads to exorcisms.

spencer speaks up in the discussion, "exorcism rituals can take up to days to complete, the stress induced could cause a heart attack, especially in someone with a history of drug use. it would also explain the timeline of someone dying of dehydration."

morgan and rossi are both still skeptical, so they go to speak to one of dave's friends who is a priest.

two days later, and we barely have anything. another man was found dead in his bed by his fiance. patrick cavanaugh, medics think it was a brain aneurysm.

we found a connection however, all the victims went to galicia, spain within a week of eachother, and visited the same church, scuff marks under all the beds.

matthew benton created an online bulletin board to create a support group for people who have felt betrayed by their faith. all three men tried to join and went to meet at the church in galicia, spain, but it was cancelled when the priest there died. heart attack, but people have come to believe he was killed as an act against the pilgrimage. giving us motive and a potential m.o. since we haven't been invited on the case, hotch made sure we keep it on the down low.

you wanted to chat with emily, just to make sure she's doing okay, and to maybe get a better view on why this case is affecting her so bad. she was talking to an old friend who also knew benton.

when he left, you called her over to your office, "hey em, can you come here?" she came in and sat down on your couch, "yeah what's up?"

"i just wanted you to know that we're here for you, i know this has got to be really hard, and i'm here if you ever need anything. we all are."

"thanks y/n, and actually, i did- kind of want to talk. it's just i can't tell hotch or derek cause derek doesn't even believe this is a case, and hotch is- well hotch. i don't wanna bother jayge, she has enough going on, would you care if i talked to you about it?"

"of course not, what's going on?"

"when i was fifteen and in rome, all you want is to fit in, so you'll do almost anything. i was pregnant. the father just kind of left, and i couldn't tell my mom, so i told my priest. he said if i terminated it, i'd be banned from the church and i'd be a disgrace to my family."

"you don't- have to tell me if you don't want to."

"no- it's alright. um- i didn't know what to do, but i had matthew. he helped me through it, found me an abortion clinic, and we took care of it. he was my best friend through everything. when we had to go back, he helped me walk into the church with my head held high, even if it caused even more problems."

you can tell this is hard for her to talk about, and you honestly don't know how to respond, so you just sit and listen.

"matthew saved my life. made me feel like i was worth something, you know? he knew the bible inside and out, and when he started to question it, he moved to america, got into drugs and we grew apart. with the drugs and religious questioning, you can see why his parents thought he was possessed. and they blamed me. it was my fault, they aren't wrong. it's my fault his life unraveled."

"baby it's not your fault. it never was, you have to believe that."

"i know, it's just- hard. you can't tell anyone though. i-i mean i love the team, and i trust them, but i just don't want them to know."

"yeah of course, and emily i'm- so sorry, i had no idea. i promise you we'll find who's doing this. and garcia did some digging, found that when matthew and the others were in spain, they might have killed someone. you just have to know that the further we get into this, the more we're going to find out, and you have to be prepared for what we might discover."

"i need matthew to rest in peace, i owe him that."

"then let's go give a profile."

"but the police haven't invited us in-"

"the police aren't gonna do us any good on this one anyway."

~

"if this man did perform three consecutive exorcism rituals within the last few weeks, he would need medical care." hotch sent you, reid and emily to meet with a group of priests in the area to go over theories and learn more about exorcisms.

"is there any way he could get that, or anywhere he'd go to convalesce?" emily asked, leaning on a window.

"anything less than a working hospital would be too dangerous." a man with long gray hair and glasses, sitting at the head of the table explained. reid's head perked up and he grabbed his messenger bag and ran outside. you followed him.

he pulled out his phone and stood on the steps outside the congregation, "garcia, it's reid. i need you to run catholic hospital records. look for any admissions for exhaustion immediately following patrick cavanaugh's death." spencer notices you standing by him and puts the phone on speaker. "you got it?"

"you know i do, boy wonder." penelope always finds a way to brighten up cases with her cheerful remarks.

"okay now run a search for the days immediately following the first two deaths. cross checking... one hit, on a one father paul silvano. currently at st. agatha's hospital, room 214."

"we got him."

~

goodbye this part was so boring- i started with one idea then was like eh no i don't like the commitment id have to do to keep the case running but this one was just as fucking hard and even more boring-

more spencer in the next chapter i pinky promise- and i finished planning the rest of this fic omg it's almost over so be prepared lol

love yall thx for reading

-sylvie <3

21.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~TW case discussion, alcohol~

"we got him."

~

rossi, reid, emily and you went to st. agatha's hospital to find father paul silvano. you found him, but only one problem. he has immunity. diplomatic status. you can't arrest him, but you can still hold him for seventy two hours.

so here he is. sitting in a metal chair, handcuffed under the table. you and emily sitting in front of him.

"explain to us why you were the last person in the room when the three men died." emily puts her elbows on the table and leans forward, you mimic her movements.

"i'm a priest. i was there for them spiritually."

"they weren't on their deathbeds."

"not physically."

"did you kill them?"

"no."

"but you're not sorry any of them are dead."

"physical death is always sad. but now their souls are in heaven. for that, their families have peace. be calm. the storm's almost over."

~

he's guilty. although the families of the unsubs invited him there to help save their sons, and they are in a better place. it's murder.

diplomatic immunity wasn't created to shield people from murder charges, we can't arrest him, or deport him. his immunity lasts until the end of the month, and looking at him as an unsub, not a priest, he said 'the storm's almost over'. there's another victim on his list.

there's another victim on his list, but hotch let him go. apologizing for detaining him and causing any inconvenience, he freed a murderer.

~ emily's pov ~

"the case is over. take some time off. i don't want to see you in the office for the next few days. emily. please."

there's nothing i can do. i can't disobey direct orders from my supervisor. so i left. as i'm standing in the elevator, waiting for the doors to close, y/n joins me. "you up for a drive?"

matthew's parents' house. that's where she took me.

opening the door, his mother, andrea opened the door. "what the hell are you doing here?"

"we know matthew died during an exorcism performed by father paul silvano." emily starts.

"he's performed three in the last few weeks. each subject has died, we believe he's planning another one." you continue.

"that's none of our business." andrea is stubborn.

"matthew's gone. you've accepted that. at least let us warn this family so they know what kind of choice they're facing. this isn't about me, or matthew. this is about other families, and the people they love."

father paul didn't kill matthew. he never laid a hand on him. his father, tom was there, and claims that the thing inside matthew killed him. father paul believes matthew was a conduit, which can lead us to his next target.

john cooley.

the man emily was speaking to the other day, the one who told her about matthew's death.

~ reader's pov ~

we caught him.

he was performing another exorcism on john. when we walked into the bedroom, he was tied to the bedposts, bleeding from his nose, being shouted at and sprayed with holywater by father paul.

the italian government rescinded his diplomatic status and we sent him back to their jurisdiction to let them do what they see fit.

john was taken to a hospital, and everyone else had driven back to hq, except emily. you stayed behind to be with her to make sure she was okay.

you stood with her as the snow was falling for a good ten minutes, in a comforting silence, walking down the streets. she stopped to show you a picture. three kids, a girl in between two boys, leaning against a stone wall. she looked like emily.

then her nose started to bleed.

you gave her a tissue, and you two laughed about it. "hey, we were all gonna go out for drinks if you were up for it. i think we could all use it. everyone's going."

"yeah sure, sounds like fun."

~

you all carpool to o'keef's, you, jj, spencer and emily in one car, and hotch, rossi, derek and penelope in the other. you go straight from work, desperate for the stress relief that is alcohol.

when you get there, penny immediately orders two rounds of shots for everyone. going around the table you all take them. except jj, who kindly declines, saying she has early breakfast with her mom in the morning.

splitting off in the normal groups that form when the team goes out, you, emily, jj and spencer stay together. derek and penelope are off dancing, and hotch and rossi are chatting back at the table, sipping whiskey.

you're sitting down with a martini, and spencer is standing behind you, arms wrapped around your shoulders, leaning on you.

emily is sitting on a table across from you sipping a beer, and jj is sitting in a chair in between her legs drinking what looks like coke.

you take turns sharing stories from youth, emily telling some from rome, jj sharing about her sister. spencer didn't say anything, which is understandable. when you grow up like him, there aren't many fun things to talk about.

he did crack a joke about alexa lisben though, which is an improvement. "i'm not one for slut shaming- ever- but i swear, when she was tying me up i could smell the mix of thirteen different colognes and a hint of fishy," is what he said, completely out of character for him.

he sent the group into a spiral of laughing, it lasted at least a few minutes.

after a while, the team merged back together, everyone was considerably under the influence, except for you, spencer and jj. when penelope got nosey.

"okay okay jayge, you know we've all been curious. why aren't you drinking miss mama?" she stumbled over to the blonde, who was still basically attached to emily.

"well- i guess i was going to have to tell you all eventually, but... i'm pregnant."

everyone reacted differently, but yet the same. you, derek and penelope were ecstatic, hotch already knew, rossi just smirked, and emily and spencer's mouths were agape, but they didn't look happy.

penelope erupted in questions, "when are you due? boy or a girl? names? who's is it?"

she's due in november, it's a boy, she's thinking of naming him henry, and it's will's. you're just hoping the baby doesn't come out with a southern drawl.

everyone crowds jj with questions and congratulations, spencer and emily had left to go talk outside, and you went to find them.

spencer stood in the snow with his jacket thrown over his shoulders, hands in his pockets and his face was all scrunched up. he looked offended and confused, talking to emily. she looked hurt. arms crossed in front of her, staring at the ground, obviously not listening to spencer.

"h-hey guys, what's going on?"

spencer looked up at you and his expression softened into sadness, emily plastered a fake okay look on hers, "oh nothing, just chatting."

"out in the cold?"

"yeah. it's too loud in there."

"okay weirdos, well come back in soon, we're probably gonna cut tonight short, you don't wanna miss out." you touched them both on the shoulder, providing a concerned look, to which they payed no mind, and went back inside.

~

laugh out loud 🤪

-sylvie <3

22.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~ angst warning lol ~

you and spencer ubered back to his apartment, and didn't speak the entire time. something is off about him. he's distracted and distant.

you grab a small bottle of hand sanitizer, applying some before reaching out and holding his hand. he gives you a light tipped smile and averts his gaze back out the window.

when you entered his apartment, he went straight to his bedroom. you sat on the couch and grabbed a book, checking the time. 11:52pm.

you hear the shower turn on and start reading. then before you know it it's turning off again. you didn't read at all, barely turning the first page before your thoughts consumed you.

your ruminating thoughts are interrupted, "um- hey." spencer's standing in the doorway in a grey caltech sweater and black joggers, his hair is still wet.

"hey. are you okay?" you close the book you were supposedly reading and turn to face him.

"me? oh- uh- yeah. jj just kind of- caught me by suprise i guess. like i knew her and will were serious, but they aren't married yet so i just assumed- but yeah. i'm good." he's obviously lying.

"you and emily both just kind of left and now you're shutting me out so i thought-"

"-i'm not shutting you out, y/n."

"yeah. yes you are, spencer."

"why would i be shutting you out, i said i was fine."

"spencer it doesn't take a profiler to see that you're obviously fucked up about her being pregnant, either that or something with this case with emily got to-" you cut yourself off in realization. "oh."

"y/n..."

"no. no, no, okay i see what it is." you're trying so hard not to break down. you've never been good in situations like this, always crying at confrontation.

"no y/n that's not it."

"what's not it? if it's not it then what do you think i think it is? huh spencer? please. enlighten me."

he doesn't say anything. just scoffs and looks at the floor, desperate for something to distract him.

"you know i should've known the first would've been the hardest to drop, hell, everyone knows that. but you don't fit the mold for everyone so i just assumed you were different."

"ditch, stop it's not-"

"-don't call me that. you've been in love with her since day one, spencer. i knew that. everyone knew that. i was just stupid enough to think you had gotten past it. oh god. oh my god is the baby YOURS?!"

"what the fuck, y/n, no. of course not. yes, you're right on one thing: i love jj. everyone loves jj, you love jj, will- loves jj, that's why she's pregnant."

"no, you obviously don't get it. i've known you just as long as she has, if not longer, and i've always seen the way you look at her. and the way she looks at you. fuck, spencer you guys look at eachother and everyone in the whole world knows you're in love with one another."

"i'm not in love with jen-"

"jesus christ spencer stop. stop denying it when you know it's true. you're literally only lying to yourself, there's no one to convince but you."

it's no use trying to keep your walls up. so they start to crumble down. your lips quiver, your chest tightens, and the tears you fought so hard to keep in, slip out. one by one. until there's an incessant flow of tears down your face. the hands you reach up to pull through your hair shake and tremble, and they don't feel like your own.

"y/n, i'm sorry. y-you're right." you look up at him through a filter of moving figures in the tears welled up in your eyes. he looks just as fractured as you, though he's better at hiding it, you know him better than to fall for the veil he shrouds himself with.

"you're right. i'm still in love with her. just as i'm still in love with lila, and how i've always been in love with you. those feelings don't just go away, especially when you fought for so long trying to make something out of them. but i'm trying, y/n. i am."

"it's funny actually. when you'd come to me everyday to tell me how you and jj bonded over coffee in the break room, or when she would laugh at your nerdy jokes when everyone else made fun of you, or when she was just being her. a hotter, blonder, older, better version of what i could never be for you. you know i always laughed at your jokes. not just to impress you, because i actually understood them. i could be her, i-i could. spencer just tell me how i can be her because apparently that's all i have to do."

words are just falling out of your mouth with no control. an everlasting flow of tears is pooled on your face, in your shirt, everywhere with no escape. and the words just keep coming.

"i've spent so long, being second best to every other girl you've wanted, just because you overlooked the girl right in front of you the entire fucking time; because you were too blind to see me. too blind to see how much i loved you. you say you love me but if you do, what is this? what the fuck is happening spencer, please."

you sound helpless. which isn't a lie, you are helpless. you didn't understand how something so small as a coworker having a baby could lead to this, you completely breaking down on your best friends living room floor.

you've never been weak. you've always kept it together, never shown your weaknesses as hard as you are now, and it's never been a problem. suppose everyone has their breaking point. yours just couldn't last any longer. were you overreacting? depends. to you, you weren't. you were just trying to survive at this point.

you sit there and stare at him. taking in everything.

his hair. his perfect, golden brown hair with slight waves that he's always hated, but has always been your favorite thing about him; is tousled, still wet, and a mess.

his eyes. with their intoxicating hazel irises, that were only magnified by the half rimmed glasses he rarely wore; bloodshot and leaking tears, similar to your own.

his nose. small, upturned button nose, that scrunched whenever he was thinking; flushed a bright red.

his lips. that felt so good on yours, that he licked, or bit whenever deep in thought; dry and scarred from constant picking, and swollen from crying.

you took in everything about him once more, memorizing and reflecting on everything you two had been through; choking on a sob, you managed to get out, "i should go."

you grabbed your bag and left, giving him one last glance, at the broken man stood in front of you.

it didn't matter that it was snowing, or that your apartment was at least an hour walk, or even that you just walked out on the only man you've ever truly loved. and that you thought loved you back.

you were leaving.

because it was gone.

~

...lol anyways

one more chapter then the epilogue guys are you excited???  
i cried a lot writing this ngl um- goodnight ig?  
sns lol

-sylvie <3

23.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

~ tw mentions of sewer slide, drugs ~

~ readers pov~

24°. thats how cold it was. it took you an hour and six minutes to walk to your apartment from spencers.

you had gotten to the entrance gate at the end of the driveway before you heard him calling your name. begging you to come back.

but you didn't. it took everything in you to not turn around. to not wipe the tears from your eyes and run right back into his arms, where you longed to be right now.

but that would make you weak. it would show you that although he never said it, spencer was right. you needed him. just as much as he needed you. but things don't work that way.

so you kept your head held high -disregarding the snowflakes landing on you, melding with the drops falling from your eyes- and you walked. all the way across the city.

you unlocked the door to your apartment, revealing a disarray of miscellaneous objects throughout. but you didn't care. you ran straight to your room, stuffing all you could in your go-bag, packing your toiletries, clothes, books, electronics, basically anything you could fit; and you left. again.

ivy doesn't live too far away, she lives with her fiance, scott, in albany. not wanting to intrude completely, you called ahead of time. she picked up in a few rings, and she sounded tired.

fuck. it's almost 1am.

you apologized for waking her and told her you were coming to the city. you assured her you could just get a hotel for the night and let them sleep, but she insisted. you would explain the whole ordeal when you arrived, but for now you just needed a distraction.

you turned your phone completely off for the drive. pulling into a gas station, you filled your tank, grabbed some snacks and a coffee, and putting on the longest playlist you have downloaded, you drove.

about six and a half hours later, you arrived, fixing your still running makeup and messed up hair, you saw ivy open the door and come greet you in her pajamas.

"you didn't have to come out here, it's basically a blizzard. go back inside you're in a bathrobe, i got it." she gave you a quick hug and a reassuring nod before walking back inside, standing behind the glass door.

you grabbed your purse and duffel bag, locking your car and meeting her back in the foyer. "aw baby what happened? do you want some tea?" you nodded and she took your bag from you, leading you to the kitchen.

you grabbed a blanket, wrapping it around yourself and taking a seat at the protruding countertop. "it's kind of a long story."

"we have all night. i took tomorrow off cause i was gonna go shopping and scott already went back to bed."

ivy handed you a mug full of hot water with a basket assortment of tea bags. you selected peppermint and settled.

"well. you know spencer, obviously," she nodded, "it's kind of weird, but he told me he was in love with me and i told him the same, we had sex and did a bunch of couple stuff, which we were already doing because we were literally best friends. and you know jj, jennifer jareau, she works with us," she nodded again, "she's pregnant."

ivy gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

"oh my gosh no, no, no, it's not his. she has a long term boyfriend or whatever, william," she sighed in relief and you continued, "spencer used to have a big crush on jj, like a few years ago when we first joined together. i thought he got over it, but i guess i was wrong. the first loves are always hard i guess. he's still in love with her."

ivy's mouth dropped open, "but he said he was in love with you? that lying bitch."

"yeah i know. i guess i might have overreacted cause he seemed genuine, but i can't be with him if he's still in love with her. even though she's basically married and he just lost his best friend."

"y/n, you just lost your best friend too."

huh.

that didn't occur to you until just now. sure you knew you and spencer were over, but at the time it just seemed like another dumb boyfriend that didn't work out. but that was spencer. and you let him go.

fuck.

where's my phone

~ spencer's pov ~

i don't know how long i stood there, just staring at the door, crying.

the only thing i knew, was that i just lost her. the only woman in the entire world that i've been utterly and totally in love with; let alone my best friend, and probably the only friend i can be just myself around.

i have to call her.

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight times. it didn't even ring, just went straight to voicemail.

so i called the only other person i could think of right now. my feelings- if they're even still real or not- don't even matter at this point. the only thing that matters is fixing this.

"spence?"

"jj. hey i need your help."

"what's wrong?"

"i'll tell you in a second, but i just need to say something first. i fell in love with you the second i met you. you were the cool, badass, pretty girl at the bau, and i was some newby who couldn't even pass his gun evaluation. those feelings never went away, and now you're with will and i could not be happier for you, and for will, and for your baby. but i messed up. big time."

"y/n. do you know where she went?"

"i- no. i-i think her sister lives in new york, her parents are in- uh- uh- somewhere."

"spence. calm down. honestly, i think the best thing you could do right now is to just calm down. figure this out for yourself, get some sleep, maybe go see your mom. just give y/n some space."

"are you sure?"

"positive."

"okay. thanks jayge."

"oh and spence-"

"yeah?"

"i had a crush on you too."

and she hung up. she's right though; for now i just need to get a grip, go see mom. yeah, i'll go see mom.

i called her facility that has twenty four hour calls, letting them know i'm going to stop by. they informed me that the past week have been especially bad for her. nevertheless, i packed my stuff to leave.

i hate driving. i absolutely despise it. you would too, if you knew how many car related injuries and deaths there are per year. it's staggering. but right now, driving is just what i need. at least as far as the airport.

(AN BYEE i was gonna make him drive from VA to vegas but its literally like 35 hours-)

y/n made me a playlist last year of both of our favorite classical composed pieces and burned it into a CD, keeping in mind my disposition of technology. i popped it in the head unit, and starting off was aaron copland's hoe-down from rodeo.

it took me about a half an hour to get to the airport, i bought a last minute ticket, checked through security and before i knew it, we were landing.

i ubered to a motel that's closest to her facility so i can visit as early as i can tomorrow. i checked in, re-sanitized the living area and took a shower. washing the smell of strange cars, airports and heartbreak of my back.

standing under the scalding water, i let the room become engulfed and steam, and my fingers were already pruned by the time i came around to actually washing. when i did, the smell of cheap, faint soap filled the room and overfilled my senses.

then, i'm sitting at the small desk in the corner. staring at a pen and some paper.

a pen and paper. with no words on my mouth, a pen and paper is the best i have.

to finish this.

~

peepeepoopoo

epilogue next :O

-sylvie <3

epilogue.


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